Saturday, January 29, 2011
Misty Meaner
My Girl Misty Knows How To Kill It. While Performing During Her Weekly Show At Vig 27 At Her Party MEANER HARDER LEATHER She Gave Us Some Spice. Every Year On The Day Heath Ledger Died We Get Together And Remember Him The Best Way WE Can. Dressing In Drag And Taking Pictures.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Addicted To Garbage
I'm An Alcoholic And A Hoarder. Have You Ever Had Two Miserable Habits That Just Couldn't Be Explained? I Have So Many Knick Knack "Jars" That It's Beyond Creepy. My Hoarding Mother Is Starting To Think I'm A The Worst Living Abortion Ever. (Side Note : She Had Me At 44)
It's Like..... Okay This Particular Empty Tequila Bottle Has A Lot Of Sentimental Value.
"Does It Really?"
Yeah For What I Remember About That Bottle It Means A Lot.
"Can You Throw It Out?"
I'm Pretty Sure If You Even Pretend To Drop It I'd Attack You And Start Crying That Your Emotionally Raping My Soul As Loud As I Could. Then Black Out Without Even Drinking; From The Constant Brain-bashing I'd Be Doing To You For Touching My Stuff. Then Proceed To Tell You How Much I Love My Cats And That Your Just Lying About Your Allergies.
Shhhh Shhhh...
I Have The Proper Chemicals To Peel Off The Duct Tape Without Hurting You. But First You Have To Promise Me You'll Stop Crying. I'll Let You Live If You Just Give Me Back My Knick Knack Jar Filled With Coins I'll Never Use To Make Change, The Soda Can Keys That Ended In P's & G, Random Pieces Of Yarn And That Single Skittle From The Time I Went To See Harry Potter Chamber Of Secrets Because I Totes Touched His Pee-Knockle.....
Now That I've Grown Used To Living In Large Rooms Again. (NYC APTS BLOW) My Whole House Is Covered In Broken Sunglasses, NYC Condoms That I've Stolen From Drag Queen Bars, My Alligator Purse That I Only Have Out For Company, And My Empty Bottles Of Vitamins...Oh And It's All Covered In Cat Hair.
I'm Currently Using A Years Worth Of Star Magazines, People,Us Weekly And Times To Be The Bordering Between My Mattress And My Swedish Wooden Bed Board. I Consider That My Recycling For The Decade.
Now That I Think Of It My Drinking Has Nothing To Do With My Hoarding. I Kinda Love The Idea Of Being An Asian Hoarder With A Million Cats. It's Like I'm A CSI Victim Waiting To Happen.
But Trying To Be Sober And Trying To Throw Away A Bottle From Your 21st Birthday, Or The Best Halloween Ever, Or The Bottle Your Girlfriend Stole From Paris Hilton's Hamptons House Just For You.....It's Just Painful. I'm Seriously Afraid I'll Hurt Someone Trying To Get Rid Of It. Then Sit In My House Crying Listening To The Virgins As The Dead Body Of The Social Worker That's Been Working With Me To Clean My House Is Laying On The Floor....(Um I Hope Your Not Reading This We Still Have An Appointment Tomorrow At 3 O'Clock)
From My Twitter Account, Blackberry, Purses And Bedrooms There's An Excessive Amount Of Signs Of My Hoarding. I Favorite Tweets That I'm Pretty Positive I'll Never Go Back And Read. (But The Idea That I Could Is Comforting.)
I Have Pictures Of Fonda Saved On My Phone Just So I Can Stare At His Beautiful Hair Because It's So Magical To Me At 7 AM When I Can't Sleep. My Purse Is Filled With 8 Lipsticks Majority The Shade Of Candy Pink. 4 Lighters Because I Can Never Find The One I Need. Oh And Not To Mention The Receipts I Never Throw Out Because I Need To Know What Time I Went To Starbucks Or Something.
I Literally Still Have My Broken Camera From High School, My Favorite D&G Cell Phone, Paint Brushes I've Never Used, Feathers, Glitter,Beads For My 3 Bead Kits, And The Rest Of My Unfinished Crafts I Started In The Summer Of 2005. Because I Was Smoking A Lot Of Pot And Thought I Could Become Some Hippy Artst That Sold Bracelets Out Of My Trunk. Instead I Flipped My Car. Which Was A Sign From Buddha That I Should Stop Stealing Stupid Shit From Michaels And Pearl When I Should Be Focusing On The More Important Things Like Oral Sex And Joint Rolling Because At The End Of The Night You Should Be Able To Provide Something Besides Pussy.
But Not All Hoarding Is Awful. In Times Of War, Snowapocalypse Or Baby Sitting Several Jewish Teens.....Hoarding Comes In Handy. You May Call Me An Excessive Hoarding Monster But I Like To Think Of It An Intense Collecting Habit. The Word Pack Rat Is Offensive.
Now I Have The Biggest Steps Ahead Of Me.....What Tv Show Do I Want To Be Exploited On Just For A Few Moments OF GLORRRRYYY!
It's Like..... Okay This Particular Empty Tequila Bottle Has A Lot Of Sentimental Value.
"Does It Really?"
Yeah For What I Remember About That Bottle It Means A Lot.
"Can You Throw It Out?"
I'm Pretty Sure If You Even Pretend To Drop It I'd Attack You And Start Crying That Your Emotionally Raping My Soul As Loud As I Could. Then Black Out Without Even Drinking; From The Constant Brain-bashing I'd Be Doing To You For Touching My Stuff. Then Proceed To Tell You How Much I Love My Cats And That Your Just Lying About Your Allergies.
Shhhh Shhhh...
I Have The Proper Chemicals To Peel Off The Duct Tape Without Hurting You. But First You Have To Promise Me You'll Stop Crying. I'll Let You Live If You Just Give Me Back My Knick Knack Jar Filled With Coins I'll Never Use To Make Change, The Soda Can Keys That Ended In P's & G, Random Pieces Of Yarn And That Single Skittle From The Time I Went To See Harry Potter Chamber Of Secrets Because I Totes Touched His Pee-Knockle.....
Now That I've Grown Used To Living In Large Rooms Again. (NYC APTS BLOW) My Whole House Is Covered In Broken Sunglasses, NYC Condoms That I've Stolen From Drag Queen Bars, My Alligator Purse That I Only Have Out For Company, And My Empty Bottles Of Vitamins...Oh And It's All Covered In Cat Hair.
I'm Currently Using A Years Worth Of Star Magazines, People,Us Weekly And Times To Be The Bordering Between My Mattress And My Swedish Wooden Bed Board. I Consider That My Recycling For The Decade.
Now That I Think Of It My Drinking Has Nothing To Do With My Hoarding. I Kinda Love The Idea Of Being An Asian Hoarder With A Million Cats. It's Like I'm A CSI Victim Waiting To Happen.
But Trying To Be Sober And Trying To Throw Away A Bottle From Your 21st Birthday, Or The Best Halloween Ever, Or The Bottle Your Girlfriend Stole From Paris Hilton's Hamptons House Just For You.....It's Just Painful. I'm Seriously Afraid I'll Hurt Someone Trying To Get Rid Of It. Then Sit In My House Crying Listening To The Virgins As The Dead Body Of The Social Worker That's Been Working With Me To Clean My House Is Laying On The Floor....(Um I Hope Your Not Reading This We Still Have An Appointment Tomorrow At 3 O'Clock)
| Purse Shot On A Light Day |
| Street Hoarding |
I Have Pictures Of Fonda Saved On My Phone Just So I Can Stare At His Beautiful Hair Because It's So Magical To Me At 7 AM When I Can't Sleep. My Purse Is Filled With 8 Lipsticks Majority The Shade Of Candy Pink. 4 Lighters Because I Can Never Find The One I Need. Oh And Not To Mention The Receipts I Never Throw Out Because I Need To Know What Time I Went To Starbucks Or Something.
I Literally Still Have My Broken Camera From High School, My Favorite D&G Cell Phone, Paint Brushes I've Never Used, Feathers, Glitter,Beads For My 3 Bead Kits, And The Rest Of My Unfinished Crafts I Started In The Summer Of 2005. Because I Was Smoking A Lot Of Pot And Thought I Could Become Some Hippy Artst That Sold Bracelets Out Of My Trunk. Instead I Flipped My Car. Which Was A Sign From Buddha That I Should Stop Stealing Stupid Shit From Michaels And Pearl When I Should Be Focusing On The More Important Things Like Oral Sex And Joint Rolling Because At The End Of The Night You Should Be Able To Provide Something Besides Pussy.
But Not All Hoarding Is Awful. In Times Of War, Snowapocalypse Or Baby Sitting Several Jewish Teens.....Hoarding Comes In Handy. You May Call Me An Excessive Hoarding Monster But I Like To Think Of It An Intense Collecting Habit. The Word Pack Rat Is Offensive.
Now I Have The Biggest Steps Ahead Of Me.....What Tv Show Do I Want To Be Exploited On Just For A Few Moments OF GLORRRRYYY!
Guess Whose A Mermaid Again!
After Almost A Full Year Of Being A Miserable Mizzy Brunette. I've Become A Red Head Again! Read This Post About My Love For Being A Red Head.
Here's A Video Of My Role Model
ARIEL
Here's A Video Of My Role Model
ARIEL
The New Jessica Simpson
So I Had A Counsel Meeting With The Faggalas And Trannies. We've Ultimately Decided That This Years Jessica Simpson Award Goes To......***DRUM ROLL PLEASE***
The Chubby Remains Of Christina Aguilera.
From What I Can See She's Really Earned This Award. Not Only Has Her Marriage, Music Career And Short Lived Movie Career Have ALL FAILED. From What She's Most Famous For Has Been Coping Other Famous Woman. From Madonna, Mariah, Marilyn And A Little Unknown Singer Named Lady Gaga.
As Far As I Can See She Still Sings Exactly How She Did When She Was 9 Years Old But Now No One Is Impressed With Her Over Weight Drunk Heaving. Check Out This Clip From X Factor. After The 1st Minute Fast Forward It Towards The 4 Minute Mark. You'll See Christina Struggling To Speak As She Sweats All Over Her Interviewer. With The Wide Shots And Excellent Editting You Could Almost Pass This As A Britney Spears Music Video During The "Black Out" Days.
What's Really Fantastic Is Her Recent News Feeds. Not Only Is She Dating Some Camera Guy From Her Failure Of A Movie....How Julia Roberts Of You. She's Buying Him A New Expensive Car. Because If You Going To Be Her New Butt Boy You Need To Do It In Style.
She Also Was Found Drunk In Closeted Gay Actor Jeremy Renner’s Bed During His 40th Birthday. She Wasn't Invited, Got Sloshed And Passed Out In His Bed While Jeremy Had His Parents And Entourage Downstairs.
But My Favorite Story Is Christina Getting Into A Altercation With Fellow Castmember And Pro Activ Spokesperson Juilanne Hough. Apparently Christina Got Really Into Her Face And Grabbed Her. UGH This Is So Good To Be True. Christina Has Been Known To Be Awful Forever.
I Also Think She's Gotten So Fat She Recently Had Her Implants Removed. They Looked Really Soft And Lack Luster At The Golden Globes.....
This Video Is Amazing...Best Parts Are Towards The End When You See Her Awful Behavior For Yourself. I'm A Really Grateful Person And To See Someone So Self Absorbed Makes Her Failure So Much Better. Can't Wait Til Your The Next Sci-Fi Movie Star Of The Week Like My Girl Debbie Gibson!
The Chubby Remains Of Christina Aguilera.
From What I Can See She's Really Earned This Award. Not Only Has Her Marriage, Music Career And Short Lived Movie Career Have ALL FAILED. From What She's Most Famous For Has Been Coping Other Famous Woman. From Madonna, Mariah, Marilyn And A Little Unknown Singer Named Lady Gaga.
As Far As I Can See She Still Sings Exactly How She Did When She Was 9 Years Old But Now No One Is Impressed With Her Over Weight Drunk Heaving. Check Out This Clip From X Factor. After The 1st Minute Fast Forward It Towards The 4 Minute Mark. You'll See Christina Struggling To Speak As She Sweats All Over Her Interviewer. With The Wide Shots And Excellent Editting You Could Almost Pass This As A Britney Spears Music Video During The "Black Out" Days.
What's Really Fantastic Is Her Recent News Feeds. Not Only Is She Dating Some Camera Guy From Her Failure Of A Movie....How Julia Roberts Of You. She's Buying Him A New Expensive Car. Because If You Going To Be Her New Butt Boy You Need To Do It In Style.
She Also Was Found Drunk In Closeted Gay Actor Jeremy Renner’s Bed During His 40th Birthday. She Wasn't Invited, Got Sloshed And Passed Out In His Bed While Jeremy Had His Parents And Entourage Downstairs.
But My Favorite Story Is Christina Getting Into A Altercation With Fellow Castmember And Pro Activ Spokesperson Juilanne Hough. Apparently Christina Got Really Into Her Face And Grabbed Her. UGH This Is So Good To Be True. Christina Has Been Known To Be Awful Forever.
I Also Think She's Gotten So Fat She Recently Had Her Implants Removed. They Looked Really Soft And Lack Luster At The Golden Globes.....
This Video Is Amazing...Best Parts Are Towards The End When You See Her Awful Behavior For Yourself. I'm A Really Grateful Person And To See Someone So Self Absorbed Makes Her Failure So Much Better. Can't Wait Til Your The Next Sci-Fi Movie Star Of The Week Like My Girl Debbie Gibson!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Babes And Toyland
Toy Thailand from joerg on Vimeo.
I Came Across This Amazing Video On Vimeo. My Family Is From Thailand And I've Been There Twice Before The Tsunami In 2004. The First Time I Visited I Had A Buzz Cut. My Family Thought I Was Boy. So Them Lifting Up My Shirt And Looking Down My Pants Didn't Seem So Awkward. But My Therapist Is Constantly Reassuring Me It Was.
The 2nd Time I Went There I Went With My Whole Family But My Mom. I Spent Majority Of The Trip With My Favorite Aunt Looks Like The Asian Michael Jackson. I'm Like 99 % Sure She Met Her 70 Something Year Old British Husband On A "Date".
I Got A Massive Tattoo Done On My Back, 13 Piercing And Dyed My Hair An Obscene Color Of Orange All In One Afternoon.
I Love Being Thai And My Filthy Underground Culture And Desperately Want To Go Back Soon.
PS. There's A Great Chance When I Was Drunk I Said I've Been There Like 8 Times And Was Born There And Majority Of My Cousins Are Lady Boys. But Can You Blame Me? I'm A Great Story Teller.
Monday, January 24, 2011
That's Exactly What Abused Wives Say
I First Came Across This Video From A Twitter Blast From Hipster Runoff Because I Thought It Was A Dirty Gay Porno Music Video.
@hipsterrunoff: NSFW: Matt & Kim have violent, sexual intercourse in their new music video http://bit.ly/hKs6ex 11:55 AM Jan 21st via web
But To My Delightful Surprise It Turns Out To Be A "Fight Club" Worthy Choreographed Scene To Make An Jason Bourne/ Tony Jaa Fan Squeal Like A Piglet....Slammy!
Now Here Is Matt & Kim
@hipsterrunoff: NSFW: Matt & Kim have violent, sexual intercourse in their new music video http://bit.ly/hKs6ex 11:55 AM Jan 21st via web
But To My Delightful Surprise It Turns Out To Be A "Fight Club" Worthy Choreographed Scene To Make An Jason Bourne/ Tony Jaa Fan Squeal Like A Piglet....Slammy!
Now Here Is Matt & Kim
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Daddy Issues : Informericals
Some Kids Grow Up Idolizing Their Parents Are Superheroes; That They Can Do No Wrong. Until You Grow Up And Find Out They Never Saved A Dime For Your College Fund And You Finally Remembered They Accidentally Left You At Your "Uncle's House" For A Weekend In Your Girl Scout Uniform After Years Of Repressing It.
Some Stupid Company Thought Maybe They Could Extent That Period Of When Your Son Thinks Your The Best Dad Ever Because Now We Have THE DADDLE! The Saddles For Dads Or Small Gays That Love Horse Play.
Below Is The Companies Definition Of What The Fuck A Daddle Is.
"A soft, stuffed "saddle" for Dad (or Mom) to strap on, to give the give kids (age 2-6) a horsy ride. Offering interactive fun for kids and adults, the Daddle™ is made of washable sturdy cotton, complete with soft saddle horn and adjustable stirrups.
Daddle Up!"
Some Stupid Company Thought Maybe They Could Extent That Period Of When Your Son Thinks Your The Best Dad Ever Because Now We Have THE DADDLE! The Saddles For Dads Or Small Gays That Love Horse Play.
Below Is The Companies Definition Of What The Fuck A Daddle Is.
"A soft, stuffed "saddle" for Dad (or Mom) to strap on, to give the give kids (age 2-6) a horsy ride. Offering interactive fun for kids and adults, the Daddle™ is made of washable sturdy cotton, complete with soft saddle horn and adjustable stirrups.
Daddle Up!"
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