Fly Friday

Tuesday Toony Throw Back

Yesterday While I Was Smoking On My Deck Drinking My Coffee The Theme Song To Tiny Toon Adventures Popped Into My Head. The Jingle Like Melody Was Stuck In My Head, Infecting My Thoughts. I Think It Has To Do With The Fact My Gf And I Kept Calling Her Cat Buster....Because Her Cat Was Acting Like A Fat Kid In A Candy Store That Was Told By His Parent He Couldn't Have Anymore Sweets. Literally. Her Cat Was Knocking Down Everything In Her Room, Crying, Biting The Other Kitties And Beating Me Up. He Was A Little Buster.

As I Was Basking In The Sunlight, Smoking, Drinking My Coffee My 16 Year Old Cat Cookie Crept Up And Begged For My Attention. I'm Zoning Out, Only To Be Kicked Back Into Reality Because My Needy Cat Was Violating My Head Space By Rubbing Her Furry Face All Over My Body.

ALRIGHT YOU LITTLE BUSTER I'LL SCRATCH YOUR HEAD.

Then I Kept Thinking About The Song To The Show Because Of Buster Bunny. I'm Singing This Song That I Used To Sing Everyday After School. I Was Amazed At How Well I Knew It By Heart. Hope You Do Too.

My Childhood Dreams Are Gone

I Grew Up Doing 3 Things As A Kid. Swimming,Eating And Watching Tv. Nickeloden Was A Huge Staple In My Life. This Past Halloween I Was Going To Dress As Heffer From Rocko's Modern Life. I Had All The Things I Needed To Do It. But I Was Working Nonstop With Halloween Items That I Dispised Halloween. ME! Hating Halloween? LE MIZ. So I Skipped Out On Everything. But I Had Stocked Up On Some Many Costumes My Personal Closet Is Looking More Like The Costume Department At Wicked.

So I Was Thinking While Sneaking A Smoke Near My Garage...I Thought How I Should Be A Rugrat. Algelcia And Chucky Were My Top Choices Obvi. I Love Redheads So I Figured I'd Do A Chuckie. Not Sleep With One But Dress As One.

Until I SAW THIS From The Creepsters At Funny or Die.....

Justin Bieber Is A Biter

I Consider My Fashion Choices To Be As Important As Politic Decisions In Congress. Now It's Come To My Attention America....That Canadian Native Justin I'm Not The Daddy Bieber Is Biting On My Current Fashion Trend. Now How Do I Know This? Because This Trend Is Pretty Hard To Miss If You See Me. It's DECORATIVE SOCKSSSSSSSS. 
How's My Oprah Impression? A Little To Iron Chef Secret Ingredient? Yeah I Was Afraid Of That. I'm A Big Shopper At The Legendary Sockman In The East Village. I Used To Live Down The Block From It. When I Wasn't Spending My Spare Change On A Falefal From Mamouns I'd Buy A Pair Od Crazy Tights From The Sockman. But It's Hard To Deny How Fucking Cold It Is....I've Recently Decided To Not Die.....So Instead Of Nothing But Tights And Stocking I've Boosted My Sock Draw With Socks Instead Of NYC Condoms And Random Toys. (Real Toys Not Sex Toys)

Justin That Cutie With The Awkward Jesus Tattoo On His Calf...(Jesus Is Staring At Justin's Ass) Has Been Covering Up Those Toned Puppies With........YOU GUESSED IT DECORATIVE SOCKSSSS.

When I Wake Up

Say A Pray For ME.

I LOVE ERIC

I Miss The 90's DUH

Terrible Thursday

I Love The 90's Like Bobby Brown Misses Whitney's Money. There's Something So Delicious About Watching A Terrible Music Video. Like Whenever I See Road Kill Up Ahead On My Way To The Corner That I Hook On....I Have To Literally Press My Face To The Window And See What Kind Of Animal It Is. I Took Another Way To Work Two Days Ago And For Some Sick Reason I Got Excited When I Saw A Dead Deer And Opossum On The Same Short Stretch Of Street. Why? Because I Hate Those Fuckers.

Ever Seen A Real Live Opossum In The Dead Of Night? A Crisp Spring Night While Your Hopped On Drugs? Well Lemme Just Tell You They're Bastards. Filthy Disgusting Bastards. Like Over Grown Rat Bastards. Did I Mention They're Mean?  I Couldn't Even Imagine Seeing One Hanging Upside Down Like In The Bambi Movie. I Think I Might Just Cry Right Now Thinking About It.

So This Music Video Is Sooooo Typical Late 90's Video. The Group Is On Mopeds On Their Way To The Boardwalk. So Far So Good...Following The Formula....Wifebeaters, Carnival Lights, Jetskiis, Guys In Over Sized Sports Jerseys And Those Purple/Red Sunglasses!!! AMAZING! I Mean What Band Didn't Have A Music Video On A Boardwalk? I'm Sure Jessica Simpson,LFO And Mandy Moore Did The Same Or Similar.....



Now Don't You Feel A Litte Bit Better After Watching That? Those Infectious Beats, Those Innocent Yet Graphic Lyrics? "I Know It's Not For Me/ I'm In Too Deep/ I Missed A Miles Of Fun" Okay I Really Don't Know The Lyrics. BUT I Am A Pervert And A Lot Of My Key Words Were Being Sang. My Ears Were Literally Burning. This Bubble Gum Shit That Passed For Music In The Late 90's Makes Me So Happy. Reminds Me Of 7th Grade When I Was Sexually Frustrated, Confused Why There Was Hair Growing There And Where Is That Smell Coming From? I Wanted To Share This Beautiful Yet Extremely Awful Music Video With You. So You Can Understand The Demented Mood I'm In While I Talk To Creeps On The Internet About Their Sexual Problems. I'm The AZN Fucking Dr. Ruth Over Here.

Rock & Roll

I Can't Take No More

This Video Is Dedicated To Anyone That Had To Listen To This Song At The End Of Every School Dance.

Tan Meth Head That's Not From The Jersey Shore

Jeremy Jackson Has Recently Sign On For Celebrity Rehab With Dr.Drew. Not Only Has Pretending To Be The Spawn Of David Hasselhoff Ruined Hobie's Life But The Excessive Tanning,Working Out And Drugs Turn This 30 Year Old Into An Eddie Hardy Wearing La Douche.

Remember When This Guy Looked Less Juiced? Less La Douche?

Here's A Headline!!!

This Was Epic. Pee Wee Is Def The Person I Wanna Party With. He's An ICON And I Loved This So Much. This Whole Episode Of SNL Had Me LOLHAN All Night. I Know The Writers Save Their Best Stuff For A Show Like This And It Was Worth It. As My Friend Miley Cyrus Would Say "It Was Pretty Cool". Pee Wee Is The Best Partner In Crime To Have....Period.

We're The Kids In America

Thank You For Being A Friend

Tis The Season?

I Spotted T.C Carson In This TJ Maxx & Marshalls Holiday Ad On Tv. But Apparently He Was In One Last Year.

I Spotted Him Singing With A Much Of White People Wearing Sexy Maroon Pants And A White Sweater.....Kyle Baker Sing Me Til The Christmas Bells Ring! UGH LOVE YOU

Punk Nose Brats

Today I Had To Spend My Friday Afternoon Supervising A Read-a-Thon At The Library I Do Community Service At. Let's Just Say Too Many Of Them Reminded Me Of Bebe's Kids And A Comforting Fact Washed Over...... That I'm Infertile....... Reminded Me How Lucky I Am And The General Public Because My Kids Would Be The Future Felons Of The Hamptons TOO!

Sex Toys Unleashed

Toy Story 3 Is Upon Us.

I Have Offered Sexual Favors To Whom Ever Brought Me To See Toy Story & Toy Story 2 in 3D This Past Winter. Let's Just Say That Didn't Sit Too Well With Big Poppa. But I'm Still Super Pumped About Toy Story 3 And Thankfully Majority Of The Original Cast Members Haven't Died. (Minus Jim Varney)

So In The First Movie We're Introduced To The Beloved Patriarch Of The Toy Box Woody. He's a Lovable Cotton & Plastic Hero With a Heart of Gold Threads, Right? Not Exactly. When The New Hard Shinny Plastic That Was Buzz Lightyear Broke Into The Scene After a Birthday Party Things Go Down Hill For Our Beloved Cowboy. Things Like Jealousy and Hatred Creep Into His Soul Then Corrupts His Kingdom. Much Like The 60's When Cowboys Were Out And Spacemen Were In. Woody Struggles To Keep The Love Of His Owner Andy. Andy Showers Buzz With Love That Used To Belong To Woody. Even Writes His Name On Buzz's Shoe In a Smelly Black Marker To Show To The World And The Toy Chest He Was The New Supreme Toy.

Buzz Believing To Be a Real Space Ranger And Not A Toy Sees Woody As Only a Threat To His Mission To Return To Headquarters And Defeat The Evil Emperor Zurg.

So When Woody Tries To Trap Buzz In-between The Gap Of Andy's Desk; He Totally Over Shoots And Swings Buzz Out The Window. Leaving The Other Toys Horrified And Pissed That Woody Had Murder Buzz. But Before The Toys Could React Andy Waltzes Through Searching For Buzz. In a Rush He Grabs Woody And Heads To a Space Theme Pizza Joint Called Pizza Planet. After A Mishap At The Gas Station Where Andy's Mom Refuels,Woody Gets Tackled By a Stole Away Buzz.

So Yadda Yadda Yadda They Get To The Pizza Place Where Buzz Bum Rushes A Spaceship Shaped Toy Crane Machine. (The Cohabitants (3 Eye Aliens) Think The Crane Is God. ) The Evil Psychopathic Neighbor Sid Retrieves Our Fallen Heroes.

Sid Brings Them Home To His Toy Grave Yard Where Buzz Has The Epiphany That He Is In Fact a TOOOOOOYYYY, Buzz Being Emotionally Crushed Admits Defeat And Ready For Death....(A Little Emo For Kids Right?) Woody Saves Buzz From a Rocket Of Death And Uses It To Catch Up With The Moving Vans.....Perfect Master Piece.




In Toy Story 2 Things Have Changed A Lot. Andy Was Away At Summer Camp While His Mom Had a Yard Sale. There Woody Was Accidentally Placed Into a Box Where Toy Enthusiast Al Tries To Buy Him Along With Other Junk For Only 10 Bucks. Luckily Andy's Mom Catches Woody In Time And Stores Woody In Her Cash Box. Unfortunately Al's Fatty Hairy Hands Cracks The Box And Steals Our Cowboy. We Later Find Out That Al Is The Same Al That Pounces Around In a Chicken Suit To Convince Children To His Barn Filled With Toys. (Attention SVU) There Woody Meets Jesse The Rowdy Cowgirl, Stinky Pete The Prospector and Bulleyes The Beloved Horse. Woody Also Learns He's Based Off a Famous Show and Is Worth A Lot Of Clams.

After Getting Repaired, (His Arm Fell Off) Him and The Rest Of His New Crew Were Japan Bound To Spend Eternity In a Glass Case For Bowled Cut Japanese Children. Pototoe Head, Hamm, Rex, Slinky And Of Course Buzz Come To Rescue For Woody. In The Process We Find Out Stinky Pete Really Wants To Go To Japan And Become Eye Candy Forever. Jesse Our Fireclothed Little Bandit (See What I Did There?) Was Once Owned But Is Now Emotionally Damaged Goods. After Defeating Stinky Pete Everyone Goes Back To Andy's Live Their Days Happily Forever After......Until Andy Goes To College. This Is Where Toy Story 3 The Movie I've Waited a 11 years For Comes In.

Apparently Pixar Had a Whole Other Movie In Mind That Didn't Pan Out. But They Won't Tell Us What It Was Because It'll Probably Become Another Plot Line In a Different Movie.

So Andy's Mom Accidentally Donates Andy's Toys. Which Is Fucking Ridiculous. I Still Have All My Beanie Babies, All My Spice Girls Stuff And Even From Pocahontas Shit Too. Maybe It's The Fact My Mother Is a Hoarder And Normally Finds Me Stuff In The Trash and Tells Me It's Still Good.( Thankfully She Saved All Her Tacky Sequined Dresses From The 80's!)

So Our Toys Are At This Day Care, Everything Seems Amazing. They'll Always Be Played With And Will Always Be Loved. But The Other Toys There Seem To Have a Mafia Going On Where They Whack Off The New Toys It Seems.  (Side Note: I Knew This Kid In College Obsessed With Disney Stuff. He Had Sheets,Posters and Even a Fully Snow Globe Collection. When I Heard He Got a Job At Disney World I Wasn't Shocked.) So Buzz Gets Rebooted Into a Spanish Space Cadet. Leaving The Other Toys To Fend For Themselves.

Also Slinky Who Was Voiced By Jim Varney You Know Ernest? But Sadly He Passed Away. But Replacing Him Is None Other Than Blake Clark...FUCKING SHAWN HUNTER'S DADDY! Perfect Match. I Had Thought About It The Other Day That It Must Have Been Him And I Was Right.

Ok I'm Done. I Totally Nerded Out Disney Style On You.

One Fish,Two Fish, Red Fish......

I Recently Got Rid of My Little Mermaid Hair. It Was Beyond Difficult For Me But It Was a Necessary Change To Get Me Outta Of My Funk. The Disney Classic Was a Staple In My Childhood Days. My Sister And Our Friends Would Pick Our Characters On The Sunday Morning After a Sleep Over. After The Pancakes and Milk We'd Get Our Sleeping Bags Around The Television Set And Perform As Ariel,Ursula and Sebastian. I Was Always Ariel and My Older Sister Was Ursula. (Especially When Ursula Becomes a Babe) Redheads Have Aroused Me For Decades But Ariel Just Really Got My Engine Going Every Time.



A Few Years Ago I Was Driving To The Store, I Was Skipping Through a Boat Load Radio Stations Then This One Radio Show Caught My Attention. After Arriving At My Destination, I Sat in My Champagne Colored Cruiser For 20 mins During That Hot Sticky Summer Day.


I Was So Wrapped Up In This Story. It Was About A College Student From Columbia University From The Early 90's The Pre-Internet Era.( Uggghh I Shutter To Imagine Such an Awful Place.....)Like Most Colleges Of It's Day Columbia Had a Voicemail System For Each Of It's Students. There Was a Voicemail Message That Became Infamous Across The Land In The 90's. Now This DiscJockey Wouldn't Play The Message But Continues To Blow Up It's Notoriety For a Quarter of an Hour. This Voicemail Became So Popular That Kids Had Made Remixes Of It, 12 Minute Long House Music Trance Songs Dedicated To It and a Whole Variety Show Was Inspired By It. This Radio Journalist Even Hunted Down Some Graduates Of Columbia To Ask Them About The Tape In Question. Most Started To Laugh Or Giggle While Reminiscing About Their Good Ole College Years.
He Eventually Found The Original Owner Of The Voicemail.

The Voicemail Goes Like This "You And The Little Mermaid Can Both Go Fuck Ya Selves...I Can't Find Your Books I Think There In La Hoya....BYEEEEEEE"Jonathan Goldstein Had Said "Bitch Squealer" And For Some Dominatrix Reasoning....I Had To Listen. To Here The Radio Show Click Here.

Now The Little Mermaid Has A Lot More Meaning To Me Then It Did As a Child. Sometimes There Are Some People Outside Of My Inner Circle That Know Of This Columbia Urban Legend And I'm So Thankful To The Joy It's Brought Me Over The Years.


Just Like The Movie and The Radio Show...My Mermaid Hair Had Brought Me Much Joy and Satisfactions. Now Without It I Feel Like The Mighty Samson I Have Fallen Without My Hair Which Had Blessed Me With Strength, Courage and Good Fortune. Damn You. Now I Feel Naked, Alone, Confused and Lost. Just Like Spring Break 2004 When I Woke Up Naked In The Woods From a Black Out.


The Following Will Be Fan Art Of The Little Mermaid And Photos Of Myself As Ariel/Jessica Rabbit On The Streets































This Is My Favorite Part of The Whole Movie That's Non Mermaid Related.









Please Read My Other Blog About Redheaded Cartoons Here