Shit New Yorkers Say

I Love This. I Love This More Then My Bette Midler Poster......My Favorite Line Has To Be "Do You Smell Maple Syrup?" Because There's Always That Awkward Smell In The Humid Spring-Summer Months...Right? I Mean I'm OBVI Not The Only One.

Tonight?

So New Years Really Has No Meaning To Me. Honestly I Get SOOOOO Uncomfortable Around Other DRunks. I Need To Be The Sloppiest Person In The Room. I Feel Like I'm The AZN Snooki Sometimes And I'm In Need Of My Vinny. Omg

Story Number One: The Bathroom Scene In This Music Video Is My Life In 2006. I'll Blow Up My Own Spot. Sorry Bobby.

Story Number Two: My Former Roommate Had Sex Withy Vinny From The Jersey Shore In A Club Bathroom.

Story Number Three: I Will Pay For A Picture Of DJ PAULY D'S Dick. Or A Tasteful Drawing Of It. I Want To See What Kind Of Dick Piercing He Has. He's Literally The Man Of My Dreams. High Maintenance, Tan, Straight Teeth And If The Washing Machine Was To Ever Break Down I Have His Rocking Abs To Do My Whites On.

By Whites I Mean My Teeth. BAHAH Just Kidding. I Never Use Teeth.

Anyway Friends I Want To Wish You All A Happy New Year. I Really Could Give A Fuck But It's A Great Excuse To Text EVERYONE In My Phone Because I'm A Sad Little Puppy That Needs Massive Amounts Of  Attention.


THERE'S NOTHING MORE AMERICAN THEN FUCKING IN A BATHROOM STALL IN NEW YORK CITY- @DaddyIssues

Rap Battling

So This Tuesday I'm Making My Rap Debut By Rap Battling At Real Quick For Fun. Which Is Going To Be An Epic Night. I'm Going To Get REAAAL Weird And All My Favorite MEN Will Be There For Hosting Duties. Check Out The Event Here. Should Be A Night To Remember Or Have The Internet Remind Me Afterwards.

Tribute To The Slam Pigs

I Dedicate This To The Faggalas.....Enjoy My Tribute To My Slampigs......

Oh And If You Love This Song You Should Download 6 Grams By Team Facelift....If You Read My Blogs You Should Have Downloaded It Weeks AGO!

Thanks SVU

Last Night's Law & Order: SVU Returned With A Cringe-Worthy Premier. For Two Hours I Endured Pediphilia Treasure Chest Of Hardcore Christopher Meloni. Joan Cusack Guest Starred In The First Hour As An Over Controling Foster Mother Who Lost Her Bio-Daughter 10 Years Prior To Her Foster Daughter Running Away. Of Course There Was Some "Rapery" Tinge Sprinkled All Over The Episode. But I Can't Really Reveal If Anyone Really Was. Well The Foster Daughter Mack Wasn't. But She Made It Seem Like She Was By Using Terms Like Wrestling, Things Are Inside Me, And They Hurt Me.

SOOOO We Spend Majority Looking For A Mystery Rapist That Lured Her To Runaway To Grand Central. I Know When I Was 10 And Talking To Older Men Online They'd Always Tell Me To Ditch Home School And Piano Lessons To Hop On A Jitney To Become A House Wife.

Mackenzie Escapes Her Smother To Grand Central And Meets Eric Webber. Eric Webber Is Played By Henry Ian Cusick. Of Course He's Famous For Being Desmond Hume From The Addictive Show Lost. Alright Away When The Detectives Find Mack With Eric They Assume He's The Molester Pester. Long Story Short He Wasn't. But Mack Was Being Mistreated By Her Adoptive Parents Because They Were Dressing Her Up To Look Like Their Missing Daughter. Dyed Her Hair, Got Her A Nose Job And Got One Of Those Missing Dog Microchips Inserted Into Her Arm Outta Love.

The Missing Daughter Ella Was Found At Some Hick Town Shack Upstate With Some Hillbilly That Made Her His Wife When She Was 10 Years Old.

In The 2nd Episode Some Crazy Shard Went Down. Eric Webber Returned As Some Concerned Anti-Rape Figure. We Learned In The Previous Episode That His Sister Grace Was Rape When He Was 16 Years Old (She Was 9) Then A Few Months Later She Hung Herself. So He Pledged To Always Protect Young Girls From Anymore Predators. He Even Scouted Out Other Rapists By Hacking Their Computers, Updating Twitter To Snitch On Rapist And Teaching Kids Karate. Great Guy Right?

Eric Catches That Guy That Was Attacking Little Girls In Kips Bay By Illegaling Hacking Their Computer. The Dude Was A Registered Sex Offender But Who Isn't These Days? After This Creep Gets Attacked By A Cop And Released He Steals His Car From His Pregnant Girlfriend And Hightails It Into A Questionably Bad Parked Mac Truck. Guess What Happened? It Blew Up. Right There, Infront Of The Court House On LIVE Tv. Cased Closed. Wipe Your Hands Of The Dirty Deeds.

NOPE

Ends Up Eric Webber Was The Rapist All Along And His "Dead Sister" Grace Wasn't Even Dead But Alive, Old And Angry For Being Raped By Her Hot Brother.

Thanks Dick Wolf.

You Ruined My Desmond. After 5 Years Of Dedicated Love You Turn Him Into A Creep!

Well Now That I'm Thinking It Over I'm Not Really Mad. I'm Kinda Into The Idea That He Photographs Girls While He Rapes Them. I Mean Who Does Snap A Phone Pic While Doing The Nasty Anyway?