I LOVE ERIC

I Miss The 90's DUH

Perfect Bitch

Stephanie March Is Best Known For Her Role On Law & Order: SVU. As District Attorney Alex Calbot. I'm Watching Head Of State. She's In It. I'm Not Really Paying Her Attention Because She's Just Not That Person That's Blowing Me AWay.

{Sidenote: 1) I Miss Bernie Mac 2) How Ironic Is It Head Of State Is ON HBO After Herman Cain Suspended His Campaign? BAHAHAHAH}


Back To The Snoozefest That Is Stephanie March. She's Married To Ginger Celebrity Chef Bobby Flay. So She Gets Publicity Whenever He Opens A New Burger Joint. She's So Boring To Me. I Love Her For Her Plainness And Her Ability To Play A Lawyer Or Politician

I Put The FUN In Funeral

I Know Someday I'll Die. But I Hope It's From Something Epic Like Crush By WWE Wrestler In A Sex Act Gone Right. I Even Have A Letter Written Out Stuffed Into All My Pillow Cases Just For That Occasion. Anyway Ryla Found A SATC Clip That Reminded Me Of How I'd Like To Be Remembered.

Not Only Does Lexi Remind Me Of Myself And The Rest Of Team Trash But My Current Feeling Towards New York As Well. Bleh. Everyone Is Quitting Smoking Because It's Expensive But If You Ask One Of Your Asshole Friends They'll Say It's For Health Reasons. Oh REALLY? Is This The Same Asshole Friend That Only Drinks Soy Milk And Wont Touch Red Meat??? Yet They'll Do A Fat Rail Of Coke Off The Bathroom Floor In Southside Because It Brings Back Memories? Ugh Sooooo Over That BB.

When New York Comes Back To Life Maybe I Wont Dream About My Funeral.



I'd Rather Be Remembered As The Loud Mouth Filthy Ride Or Die Bitch That I Am. Sure I've Grown Up And Made Changes In My Life But You Can't Kill Herpes. HA!


Probably Should Line My Coffin With Lead, Call The Police Ahead To Keep The Protesters At A Safe Distance, Hire My Favorite Trannies To Perform A Fantastically Rehearsed Mash Up Of "All That She Wants" By Ace Of Base And "Be My Lover" By La Rouche. Oh And Slash Had To Be There. I Don't Want Him To Perform Unless He Has The Bronx Cobra Around His Neck.

MARCH MADNESS

I Recently Got A Real Job While Promoting My Thai Food Catering Business. So I've Been Falling Behind On Blogging My Thoughts. But Be Sure To Follow My Twitter @DaddyIssues

In The Mean Time Of Me Confronting My Adulthood Head On I'd Like To Share Some Of My Favorite Things. Oprah Isn't OWNing Me Today Ladies....Unless She Gives Me A Free Ipad 2 Or Gives Me Dr.Oz's Phone Number I Don't Owe Her ANYTHING.


So Lemme Just Highlight Some Of The Things I've Been Obsessing With. (Besides Penis,Glitter, And The Drag Queens That Have Both)

First Off The Wife And I Discovered A Great Movie.It's Called Mystery Team And Stars Donald Glover From Community. Donald Plays Jason A High School Senior With The Soul Of A 10 Year Old. He Spends Majority Of His Free Time Solving Petty Crimes With His Two Best Friends Charlie The Strongest Kid In Town And Duncan The Boy Genius.  The Boys Have Been Foiling 7 Years Olds From Stealing And Have A 24 Booth Where A Redheaded Special Needs Adult Girl Bikes By To Tell The Boys Her Tips. Like The Comish And Batman With The Bat Signal Except Commissioner Gordon Is A Hot Redhead Riding Her Bike Around Town Talking To Trash Cans And Harassing The Little Kids At The Park Because Her Aging Grandmother Who Probably Takes Care Of Her Is Too Tired To Keep Her Chained Up In The Basement.

Anyway The Boys Get Their Hands Full When Asked To Solved A Double Homicide. From The Great Cameos From Other Comedians To The Best Lines Ever This Movie Is Def Worth Watching Stoned On A Sunday Night When Family Guy, American Dad And Everything Else On Fox Is All Reruns. Or Because I Said So And You'll Never Understand Anything I Say Because It Would Be A Line From This Movie. I've Also Discovered There's A Boatload Of Webisodes On YouTube. That's Like Getting A Dick Pic On Your Cell And Sending It To One Of Your Girls To Show Her What Your Getting Later But Then Send It To Everyone On Your Cell. Now Everyone Knows What Great Dong Your Getting Later. (Fun Fact: Donald Glover Also Goes By DongLover....)

Ahanu And I Have Been Quoting This Movie Nonstop. Some Favorites Are:

"Whatever You Do Don't Suck Their Dicks"

"FUCK! Yeah I Say Fuck Now! I've Been Trying It Out In The Backyard"

"What Is That?"
"My C-Section Scar. For 5 Bucks I'll Let You Cum On It"
"I'll Give You 2 If You Tell Me What That All Means"

"I Drank Dog Pee"

"With The Market The Way It Is....It's Better To Rent Cocaine"



Secondly Bob's Burgers Has Been Making Me Cream My Lace Panties For Weeks. It Stars Some Really Talented People But The Only Person I Care About Is John Roberts The Person Behind Mittymoo....Don't Know What I'm Talking About?



Anyway I've Loved John Roberts Forever. He Reminds Me Of All The Jersey/Long Island Moms At The Malls Hasseling Me For Taking Too Long In The Changing Rooms Then Makes A Panda Express Joke When I Walk Out. Great Right? Anyway Bob's Burgers Is An Epic Addition To Fox's Animation Domination Block. Spicing Up The Family Dynamic By Adding A Family Business Which I Could Relate.

I Grew Up In My Mom's Thai Restaurant For 17 Years. Unlike Every Other Thai Restaurant Ours Had An Irish Sports Bar Connected. Out Menu Had Pad Thai,Pork Fried Rice, Chicken Pot Pie,Pizza And Burgers. I'm Not Complaining....I Got To Harass Hamptons' Celebrities, The Regulars Taught Me How To Never Settle For Your High School Sweetheart Because You'll End Up Sitting In A Bar Watching Jeopardy Every Night, And How To Place My Napkins On A Table. Enough About My Theraphy Sessions.

Bob's Burgers Is Hysterical. Bob Is a Disgruntled Dad Trying To Make It With What He's Got. His Wife Linda Is A Dreamer, His Oldest Daughter Tina Is Slower Than Hugh Hefner On A Conga Line, His Son Gene Is A Constant Reminder He Should Have Pulled Out And Louise Is The Smart Trouble Maker. Tina Is Hands Down My Favorite Animated Character With A Defect Since Timmy From South Park.



So I Rarely Watch Mtv. The Only Time I Do Is To Get My Dj Pauly D Fix From The Jersey Shore. But Something Awkward Happened One Night During A Commerical Break. I Wasn't Sure If This Was Real Or A Gag. So I Hear A Snoop Dogg Song Come Up. It's A Little Dated But Still A Classic Jam At Proms. I See This Average Ugly Girl To Start To Dance. The Way I'd Dance If I Was At A Babyshower To Lighten Up The Mood Because We're All 17 And Barely Graduated High School.

But It Turns Out This Wasn't A Gag For One Of Mtv's Failed Comedy Shows. It Wasn't For A Nick Cannon's Awful Show And Now I'm Addicted To The Commerical. If Anything It Probably Tastes Terrible But If Your A Futurama Fan It Tastes Like Slurrrrm.

Ok Kids I'm OFF. Sure I Couldda Talked About How The World Is Coming To The End And That Elizabeth Taylor Died And Pretend I Loved Nate Dogg And That I Some How Only Heard About The Shiz In Japan....But Hey! I Cry Enough That I Wake Up Next To A Fat Dog Instead Of A Naked Under Age Boy.

Meth Ain't Nothing But A Gateway Drug To The Dentist Office

Lalaine Vergana Or Just Lalaine If Ya Nasty. She Used To Be A Disney Darling, Just Like Miley. She Could Have Been The Selena Gomez Of Her Generation. But Realistically She'd Was More Like The Latina Jeanette McCurdy Or Emily Osment. In Saying That She Was The Side Kick To Lizzie McGuire.
Lalaine Like Most Sidesicks Had Her Run. But She Didn't Even Make It Into That Shitastic Lizzie McGuire Movie! Rumor Has It Little Miss Duff Had Issues With Lalaine..... But That Wasn't The Last Time We Heard From Our Miranda Sanchez.....

In 2007 She Got Bust For METH! YESSS! Later A Bench Warrant Was Issued For Her Arrest After Missing A Court Date. Oh Boo Boo Didn't Your Lawyer Tell You When To Show Up? NO BUENO!

Now Lalaine Is Making Awkward Youtube Videos, Tweeting About Her "Music Career" And Doing Small Cameos In Movies Like Easy A . It's Upsetting News Considering She Looks Like Mario Lopez's Unwanted Daughter And She Can Sing And Dance. That Disney Boot Camp Wasn't For Nothing. Instead Of Being The Old Selena Or Best Yet Demi (The One In Rehab) She's Stuck At Home Wishing She Was That Girl In Glee.

Always A Bride's Maid

Robin Dunne Is Famous. Okay Well No He Isn't. He's The Guy That's In Literally All The Sequels For Most Late 90's Movies. From The Shitastic Sequel Cruel Intentions 2, The Lack Luster Skulls 2, Au Pair II And Species III. There's Isn't Anything He's Done That Isn't Straight To Dvd Or Only A TV Movie Release. It's Like He Only Comes To LA For Auditions But Lives In Vancouver Full Time For All These Cheap C Rated Movies And Tv Shows He's In.  The Worst Is When I'm Flipping Through The Channel Guide And I Think I'm About To Flip On The Sarah Michelle Gellar Classic Cruel Intentions Then I'm Stuck Staring At Amy Adam's Poor Man's Kathryn Mertuill. Even Keri Lynn Pratt Is In That Awful Prequel....The Chick That's Still  Playing A Teenager On CSI and Law & Order....
So The Writing Is Budget, The Story Is Trying Too Hard And Throw In Some Unnecessary Shower Scenes With Naked Twins And That's This Guys Whole Career. He'll Never Ever Be In A Summer Blockbuster Of A Movie Let Alone A Movie In A Real Movie Theater.

Dear Guy, I Hate You

Michael Cudlitz Is That Guy. You Know That Guy That's In Every Tv Show Or Movie As The Cop Or Military Douche That Needs To Rat Out Anyone To Get Ahead. I'd Def Seen Him Killed By A Shank In Prison More Than Once. I Hate Him. I Hate His Face. His Bulky Build And Stupid Mole On His Face. Looking At Him Just Boils Me Up.

So Dear Michael, I HATE YOU

You Know You Love Me

Gossip Girl Stills From Season 4

Patrick Star The Other White Meat

Patrick Star is a Dim Witted Starfish. He lives under the Sea.........But let's Pretend He Didn't.






I Know It's Shocking