The New Jessica Simpson

So I Had A Counsel Meeting With The Faggalas And Trannies. We've Ultimately Decided That This Years Jessica Simpson Award Goes To......***DRUM ROLL PLEASE***


The Chubby Remains Of Christina Aguilera.

From What I Can See She's Really Earned This Award. Not Only Has Her Marriage, Music Career And Short Lived Movie Career Have ALL FAILED. From What She's Most Famous For Has Been Coping Other Famous Woman. From Madonna, Mariah, Marilyn And A Little Unknown Singer Named Lady Gaga.

As Far As I Can See She Still Sings Exactly How She Did When She Was 9 Years Old But Now No One Is Impressed With Her Over Weight Drunk Heaving. Check Out This Clip From X Factor. After The 1st Minute Fast Forward It Towards The 4 Minute Mark. You'll See Christina Struggling To Speak As She Sweats All Over Her Interviewer. With The Wide Shots And Excellent Editting You Could Almost Pass This As A Britney Spears Music Video During The "Black Out" Days.







What's Really Fantastic Is Her Recent News Feeds. Not Only Is She Dating Some Camera Guy From Her Failure Of A Movie....How Julia Roberts Of You. She's Buying Him A New Expensive Car. Because If You Going To Be Her New Butt Boy You Need To Do It In Style.

She Also Was Found Drunk In Closeted Gay Actor Jeremy Renner’s Bed During His 40th Birthday. She Wasn't Invited, Got Sloshed And Passed Out In His Bed While Jeremy Had His Parents And Entourage Downstairs.

But My Favorite Story Is Christina Getting Into A Altercation With Fellow Castmember And Pro Activ Spokesperson Juilanne Hough. Apparently Christina Got Really Into Her Face And Grabbed Her. UGH This Is So Good To Be True. Christina Has Been Known To Be Awful Forever.

I Also Think She's Gotten So Fat She Recently Had Her Implants Removed. They Looked Really Soft And Lack Luster At The Golden Globes.....

This Video Is Amazing...Best Parts Are Towards The End When You See Her Awful Behavior For Yourself. I'm A Really Grateful Person And To See Someone So Self Absorbed Makes Her Failure So Much Better. Can't Wait Til Your The Next Sci-Fi Movie Star Of The Week Like My Girl Debbie Gibson!

How To Be a Debra Gibson

We're Blonde And Tacky

First You Dress Like a Dead Icon.
Second You Get Photographed With A Tiffany Whose Pulling An Avril.
Third You Remember To Hold The Label Of Your 20th Scent Out.
At The After Party Get Completely Shittfaced And Dissed A Current Frienemy Or Ex-Boyfriend.
When Doing Interviews Always Disclose Secrets About Pregnant Friends Or Rehabbing Relatives.

This Just Screams Gross With a Dash Of Typical. I'm Shocked There Isn't a Extincted Monkey On Her Shoulder Or The Skeleton Of Elvis Presley. Oh Wait She's Dressed Like Marilyn Monroe So She's Covered.

Jennifer Love Huge Tits

Let's Say Back In The 90's You Were The Hottest Babe Around. Close Your Eyes And Imagine It......Crappy Boy Bands Like LFO Wrote a Song About You, Movies Were Written Around Your Hottness, Family Guy Had You Guest Star As Yourself And All The Men's Magazines Had Articles Ranking Your Tits.

But Now Your 30. You've Written a Book About Your Awful Dating Experiences And Made V a j a z  z   l   i n g a House Hold Name. Your Tits Aren't As Perky Anymore, Those Scary Movie Roles Aren't Rolling In As Much And You Never Did Any Action Flicks..... So There Isn't Some Cult Dedicated To You. (Your No Buffy...Sowwy)
Jenny, May I Call You Jenny? Of Course Not Your 30! Jennifer, You Recently Did a Movie About Being a Prozzy. I'd Applaud You, But The Movie Was On Lifetime...Television For Battered Woman. You've Been In Every Magazine During The Summer Issues About Your Issues With Your Body Mass Index. How Your Comfortable Being Whatever Weight Your But Then You Get Praise For Losing That Cottage Cheese Effect Off Your Ass. (Yet In Every Picture There's a Beach Ball Covering Your Ass) So Now Your Guest Starring In Law & Order: SVU As A College Student??? Bitch PLEASE.... That Audition For Gossip Girl Was For a Mother Role Not Blair's Best Friend.......DEBRA!


Oh Yeah That John Mayer Song Wasn't Really About You......

Morpheous's Daughter Has Some Major Issues With Daddy Poo. She's Making Me and Mackenize Philips Rethink Or Outlook On Life. Not Only Has Little Miss Montana Fishburne Had Always Wanted To Be a Porn Star. That's Like My Mom Biggest Fear That I'd Some Day Dream Of Releasing My First Sex Tape Because I Thought Kim & Paris Were Great Role Models.

She Was Rumored To Be Busted For Hooking Back In 2009. This Screams Debbie Because She's Not Leaking a Tape, She's Doing a Low Budget Porno With "Actors". Which Means Storylines, Good Lighting And Hopefully An Anal Scene For The Ages......She Doesn't Plan On Going The Tracy Lords Route....Like Becoming A Full Fledged Actress Afterwards. She Likes The Idea Of Watching Herself On Film....It Turns Her On. That's Like When Skinny Girls Throw Up After Eating They Feel Sexy And Confident. Montana Must Be Fishing For Complements About How Well She Sucks Dick On  A Global Level. (Fishing...See What I Did There?) Honey Your Proving You Hate Your Father, Your Comfortable With Your Sexuality And Flushing All Of Your Family's Accomplishments Down The Toilet Just For Some Fame. That's Basically What Kim K Did....Except Her Dad Was a One Of The Lawyers That Helped OJ Get Off....Not The Guy That Played Ike Turner.

So What Have We Learned?

Porn Is The Meat Rocket To Stardom.
Playmates Are Your Best Photo Opt.
Playing 18 At 30 Is Okay If You Have Big Tits.
AND Most Importantly Branding Yourself Is Always Key. (Remember Girls Labels Out)

Debbie Debbie Debbie.

Total Debbies

To Be a Debbie : A Term Used When Referring to a Person Desperate For Attention, Sexual Gratification, And Self-Entitlement.


Example A: @anddyRadio Is a Debbie After a Few Free Drinks and a Make Out Sesh.

Example B: @AnfernyAttacks Is Always a Debbie After 4 am.

Example C: Debra Gibson's Career.


Debra Gibson is a Classic Case Of Desperate Celebrity Has Been. After a String Of Hits in The 80's, Countless Mall Tours and Fashion Mishaps Debra (Then Debbie) Is Now Trying To Gain Back Some Momentum In Her Career The Only Way She Knows How. BY BEING A HUGE DEBBIE.

Not Only Has DEBRA Tried Petitioning Herself For EVERY Cycle of Dancing With The Stars She's Now Starring In The Next Worst Thing......Sci-Fi Channel Original Movie! YEEEEEEEESSSS DEBBIE Live Up To Your Name. Don't Be Shameless That Your Starring In The Under Water Sea Adventure Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus.
Shotty Special Effects...Check.


Terrible Acting From D-rated Celebrities....Check.

Evil Government Antagonist......Check.




Debra Even Did a Spread in Playboy in 2001 to Prove To America She's Still Hot. That's Like If Tara Reid Did Playboy 10 Years After American Pie......Oh Wait That Did Happen. TOTAL DEBBIES!

The Next Term To Be Analyzed To Be a Sandra....To Be So Oblivious To The Obvious