Addicted To Garbage

I'm An Alcoholic And A Hoarder. Have You Ever Had Two Miserable Habits That Just Couldn't Be Explained? I Have So Many Knick Knack "Jars" That It's Beyond Creepy. My Hoarding Mother Is Starting To Think I'm A The Worst Living Abortion Ever. (Side Note : She Had Me At 44)

It's Like..... Okay This Particular Empty Tequila Bottle Has A Lot Of Sentimental Value.
"Does It Really?"
Yeah For What I Remember About That Bottle It Means A Lot.
"Can You Throw It Out?"
I'm Pretty Sure If You Even Pretend To Drop It I'd Attack You And Start Crying That Your Emotionally Raping My Soul As Loud As I Could. Then Black Out Without Even Drinking; From The Constant Brain-bashing I'd Be Doing To You For Touching My Stuff. Then Proceed To Tell You How Much I Love My Cats And That Your Just Lying About Your Allergies.

Shhhh Shhhh...

I Have The Proper Chemicals To Peel Off The Duct Tape Without Hurting You. But First You Have To Promise Me You'll Stop Crying. I'll Let You Live If You Just Give Me Back My Knick Knack Jar Filled With Coins I'll Never Use To Make Change, The Soda Can Keys That Ended In P's & G, Random Pieces Of Yarn And That Single Skittle From The Time I Went To See Harry Potter Chamber Of Secrets Because I Totes Touched His Pee-Knockle.....


Now That I've Grown Used To Living In Large Rooms Again. (NYC APTS BLOW) My Whole House Is Covered In Broken Sunglasses, NYC Condoms That I've Stolen From Drag Queen Bars, My Alligator Purse That I Only Have Out For Company, And My Empty Bottles Of Vitamins...Oh And It's All Covered In Cat Hair.

I'm Currently Using A Years Worth Of Star Magazines, People,Us Weekly And Times To Be The Bordering Between My Mattress And My Swedish Wooden Bed Board. I Consider That My Recycling For The Decade.

Now That I Think Of It My Drinking Has Nothing To Do With My Hoarding. I Kinda Love The Idea Of Being An Asian Hoarder With A Million Cats. It's Like I'm A CSI Victim Waiting To Happen.


But Trying To Be Sober And Trying To Throw Away A Bottle From Your 21st Birthday, Or The Best Halloween Ever, Or The Bottle Your Girlfriend Stole From Paris Hilton's Hamptons House Just For You.....It's Just Painful. I'm Seriously Afraid I'll Hurt Someone Trying To Get Rid Of It. Then Sit In My House Crying Listening To The Virgins As The Dead Body Of The Social Worker That's Been Working With Me To Clean My House Is Laying On The Floor....(Um I Hope Your Not Reading This We Still Have An Appointment Tomorrow At 3 O'Clock)

Purse Shot On A Light Day

Street Hoarding

From My Twitter Account, Blackberry, Purses And Bedrooms There's An Excessive Amount Of Signs Of My Hoarding. I Favorite Tweets That I'm Pretty Positive I'll Never Go Back And Read. (But The Idea That I Could Is Comforting.)



I Have Pictures Of Fonda Saved On My Phone Just So I Can Stare At His Beautiful Hair Because It's So Magical To Me At 7 AM When I Can't Sleep. My Purse Is Filled With 8 Lipsticks Majority The Shade Of Candy Pink. 4 Lighters Because I Can Never Find The One I Need. Oh And Not To Mention The Receipts I Never Throw Out Because I Need To Know What Time I Went To Starbucks Or Something.

I Literally Still Have My Broken Camera From High School, My Favorite D&G Cell Phone, Paint Brushes I've Never Used, Feathers, Glitter,Beads For My 3 Bead Kits, And The Rest Of My Unfinished Crafts I Started In The Summer Of 2005. Because I Was Smoking A Lot Of Pot And Thought I Could Become Some Hippy Artst That Sold Bracelets Out Of My Trunk. Instead I Flipped My Car. Which Was A Sign From Buddha That I Should Stop Stealing Stupid Shit From Michaels And Pearl When I Should Be Focusing On The More Important Things Like Oral Sex And Joint Rolling Because At The End Of The Night You Should Be Able To Provide Something Besides Pussy.

But Not All Hoarding Is Awful. In Times Of War, Snowapocalypse Or Baby Sitting Several Jewish Teens.....Hoarding Comes In Handy. You May Call Me An Excessive Hoarding Monster But I Like To Think Of It An Intense Collecting Habit. The Word Pack Rat Is Offensive.



Now I Have The Biggest Steps Ahead Of Me.....What Tv Show Do I Want To Be Exploited On Just For A Few Moments OF GLORRRRYYY!