Saturday, October 9, 2010

The Fuck Thesis

If You Up On Your News This Week I'm Sure You've Heard Of The Duke Graduate That Wrote Her Whole Thesis On The One Night Stands And Long Term Hook Ups Of Her College Experience. Sounds Like My Hero. Did I Mention This Was A Chick? That's Where This Story Has Scandalized The Media. Don't Frat Boys Keep Record Of This Kind Of Shit All The Time? Some Critics Are Praising Karen F Owen For Her Empowering 42 Page Powerpoint Thesis About The 13 Duke Students She Had Sexual Encounters With. Not Only Did It Have Pictures, Full Names And Extensive Details Of Each Encounter/Relationship. It Reads Like My Diary If I Was Responsible Enough To Keep One For My Medical Records.
Karen Lists Memorable Moments If There Were Any,The Pros And Cons And My Favorite Is When Subjects 8 & 7 Were Good Friends. If You'd Like To Endulge Yourself With Some Hot And Heavy Reading Here's A One Of The Last Links Available Online........HERE.

Some Highlights For Me Were From A 6'4" Baseball Player She'd Been Fantasizing About Since Freshmen Year. He'd Ask Her "....Tell Me How Much You Like Big, Black Cock." Well Ms. Owen Never Had Been With One So He Asked Her To Pretend And Say She Liked Said Big Black Cock. Then Ends Up He Had A Small Shrinky Dink. She Wrote This Perfect Description Of The Disappointing Moment Where You Discover Your Dream Man Has A Baby Winky. Her Simile Of A Small Penis Is One To A Bad Christmas Present From Your Grandmother. You Shake The Box To Hear What's Inside. You Slowly Unwrap The Paper And Then That Smile Drops To The Floor Because It's Another Pair Of Thick Wool Socks....Well It Was Pure Genius And Every Ounce Of Truth.

So Ms. Owen Has Gone Into Hiding Since The Media Blitz. If I Was Her I'd Be LOUD And Proud. If Excelling In The Realm Of Horizontal Academics Happened On An Episode On Gossip Girl this Spring I Wouldn't Be Mad. Though "Collecting Data" On That Show Is Pretty Bleak Considering....Serana Lost Her Virginity To Nate. Nate Thought He Took Blairs When Blair Really Lost It To Chuck Whose Serena's Step Brother. But Serena Did Sleep With Her Other Step Brother Dan Whose Back To Dating Vanessa Whose Slept With Chuck,Nate And Dan....

Atleast Duke Will Be Famous For This Instead Of The Rape Happy Lacrosse Team....

Karen Please Come Back. I'd Love To Discuss Sex With You. Shit This Makes Me Wanna Go Back To School.


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