Just Accept Your Going To Die

In The Summer Of 2005 I Nearly Died And Almost Took 5 People Down With Me. That Summer Had Changed My Life. Sometimes I Forget And I Act Like A Fool And Take Everything For Granted. It Wasn't Until I Heard This Song Today Did It Bring Back A Tsunami Wave Of Emotions Back.

I Had Graduated High School,I Was Crowned The Class Flirt And All Of My Best Friends Had Black Listed Me Due To Have A Secret Affair With One Of Their Younger Brothers. I Became Friends With Someone Else Also Black Listed. We Smoked All Day And Partied All Night.

Another Girlfriend Of Mine Had Made Me A MixTape....An Actual Tape. This MixTape Was All I'd Listen To. I Don't Even Remember Any Of The Songs Released That Summer. After A Blur Of A Month July Was About To End With The Annual Booze Feast At Rambo's Cabin In The Woods Of Tuckahoe. Cops Raided The Party And We All Scrambled Into My Car And Bounced.

There Was This Road We'd Go Joy Riding On. We Called It The Rollercoaster. I Was Perfectly Sober. I Had Been Up For Days And Was Beyond Exhausted So I Didn't Drink At The Party.

At The End Of The Rollercoaster Was A Place We Called The Grand Canyon. There Were Deer There And It Feel Like We Were On Safari. Chasing The Deer As If We Were A Lioness Chasing Gazelles. After That We Left. Listening To My Mixtape The Whole Time....Which Happens To Have A Gap Of Dead Air When The Tape Switches Over From Side A To Side B. But The Song Just Stops Short In The Middle...Well Right When That Happened I Swurved To Avoid Hitting A Deer Down The Rollercoaster.....We Flipped. My Gold '94 Oldsmobile Flipped. Some How We Landed Back On All 4 Tires..... But It Was To This Song.....As We Flipped The Dead Air Popped Up. All The People In The Car Including Myself Were Quiet. No One Screamed. When I Talk To Any Of The People From That Accident They All Say The Same Thing...."I Just Accepted That I Was Going To Die".....

So Here's The Song That Just Brought Back All These Emotions

Don't Joy Ride At Night...

Takin' Home Your Girlfriend

I Look Like A New Born Baby

This Music Video Is By My Sperm Donor For My Morning Facials. Matt Sterling Aka My Late Night Lover Has Been Creating Epic Music Down In South Beach For A While Now. Whenever Normal People Are Sleeping Matt And I Are Up Talking About Disgusting Things Or I'm Ranting Loudly Through Voice Notes Until I Pass Out In A Stupor. This Song Makes Me Wanna Dance. It Makes Me Wanna Dance Until My Uterus Falls Out Of Me.I Would Have Posted A Picture Of Matt In Speedo's And Playing A Ukulele But That's A Private Picture.

Arnold Doesn't Want You To Smoke

I Find It Surprising That Arnold Is Against This And Wants To Make It Difficult To Possess Less Than An Ounce.....Considering He Talked About Smoking Pot In His Documentary Pumping Iron.

Rumor Has It : Pork Edition

There's Some Talk Amongst Artificial Pork Lovers Out There That McDonalds Will Be Bringing Back Their Famous McRib For A Limited Time Offer. Are Your Pants A Little Tighter Already? This Slab Of Pork Is Molded In The Shape Of Ribs, Topped With Pickles, Onions, And Barbecue Sauce. Debuted Back In 1981 This Sandwich Has Since Then Become A  Pop Culture Phenomena Appearing In The Simpsons, Having Several Websites And Groups On Facebook Dedicated To The Obsession For This Sandwich. The McRib Is Like Big Foot, Or A Magical Creature That Only Appears When The Mist Is Just Right At 5 AM In November In A Heavily Wooded Area.

Now McDonalds Will Be Bring Back The McRib For 6 Weeks Nation Wide. Hopefully I Won't Hear Anymore Stories Of People Traveling 10 Hours In Search For This Savory Little Sandwich. There Even Is A McRib Locater But Be Prepared Of False Positive Info On There. So Call In Before You Dedicate Yourself To A 5 Hours Drive To Ohio For A 6 Pack Of Sandwiches That Will Be Available Soon For A Limited Time Offed. Just Buy 100 Of Them And Freeze Them. Or Are You Not A True McRib Lover?

The Fuck Thesis

If You Up On Your News This Week I'm Sure You've Heard Of The Duke Graduate That Wrote Her Whole Thesis On The One Night Stands And Long Term Hook Ups Of Her College Experience. Sounds Like My Hero. Did I Mention This Was A Chick? That's Where This Story Has Scandalized The Media. Don't Frat Boys Keep Record Of This Kind Of Shit All The Time? Some Critics Are Praising Karen F Owen For Her Empowering 42 Page Powerpoint Thesis About The 13 Duke Students She Had Sexual Encounters With. Not Only Did It Have Pictures, Full Names And Extensive Details Of Each Encounter/Relationship. It Reads Like My Diary If I Was Responsible Enough To Keep One For My Medical Records.
Karen Lists Memorable Moments If There Were Any,The Pros And Cons And My Favorite Is When Subjects 8 & 7 Were Good Friends. If You'd Like To Endulge Yourself With Some Hot And Heavy Reading Here's A One Of The Last Links Available Online........HERE.

Some Highlights For Me Were From A 6'4" Baseball Player She'd Been Fantasizing About Since Freshmen Year. He'd Ask Her "....Tell Me How Much You Like Big, Black Cock." Well Ms. Owen Never Had Been With One So He Asked Her To Pretend And Say She Liked Said Big Black Cock. Then Ends Up He Had A Small Shrinky Dink. She Wrote This Perfect Description Of The Disappointing Moment Where You Discover Your Dream Man Has A Baby Winky. Her Simile Of A Small Penis Is One To A Bad Christmas Present From Your Grandmother. You Shake The Box To Hear What's Inside. You Slowly Unwrap The Paper And Then That Smile Drops To The Floor Because It's Another Pair Of Thick Wool Socks....Well It Was Pure Genius And Every Ounce Of Truth.

So Ms. Owen Has Gone Into Hiding Since The Media Blitz. If I Was Her I'd Be LOUD And Proud. If Excelling In The Realm Of Horizontal Academics Happened On An Episode On Gossip Girl this Spring I Wouldn't Be Mad. Though "Collecting Data" On That Show Is Pretty Bleak Considering....Serana Lost Her Virginity To Nate. Nate Thought He Took Blairs When Blair Really Lost It To Chuck Whose Serena's Step Brother. But Serena Did Sleep With Her Other Step Brother Dan Whose Back To Dating Vanessa Whose Slept With Chuck,Nate And Dan....

Atleast Duke Will Be Famous For This Instead Of The Rape Happy Lacrosse Team....

Karen Please Come Back. I'd Love To Discuss Sex With You. Shit This Makes Me Wanna Go Back To School.

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Happy Birthday Anddy!

My Beautiful Cousin @AnddyRadio Is 1 Fabulous Year Older! LOVE YOU!

Chocolate,Rubber Mask, And Drag Queens

This Snickers Commercial Is Nothing But C R E E P Y. Not Only Is There A Beastly Drag Queen Forcing Candies Into A Woman's Shopping Cart. I Sat On My Couch In Pure Horror When I Saw That She Had  Eaten A Child At The End When Revealing Her Midsection.



After Seeing That Snickers Commercial It Reminded Me Of This Fetish That I Heard About That's All The Rage In Asia And Has Become A Nerds Late Night Delight. I'm Not Sure What It's Called But It Involves A Rubber/Latex Mask Or Hood Of An Asian Girl's Face. The Doll Life Face Could Be Masking A Woman, A Husky Man Or Even Your Little Cousin Kathy That Shouldn't Be Webchatting On Chatroulette. There's This Aspect Of A Living Doll That Turns People On. Then There's The Whole Revealing Thing That Really Gets Some People Wet.