I Hope My Unwanted Kids Are Like This

Way Too Many People I Went To High School With Have Kids. I'm Not Even 25. Some Even Have Like 2 Kids...GROSS. But If All Them Turn Out Like This Golden Boy  I'll Reconsider Getting My Ovaries Back From The Doctors At The Clinic.

What Happened To Forever?

I Dig This So Much

BEARS!

This Music Video Is So Extremely Hard To FIND! Okay No It Wasn't I Just Had To Go On Some Greek Site To Find It. First Off Zebra Is A Great Band. Headlined By Randy Jackson. I Did Go To Acting School With His Son Whose Also A Great Musician As Well....

My Wife And Jeff

A Few Summers Ago I Had This Urge To Find Jamie's Dad's Band. He'd Always Talked About It In School But I Totes Thought It Wasn't This Big Deal. So I Looked Them Up And This Music Video MADE MY LIFE. I Was Probably Really High When I Found It At My Gf's House BUT I've Never Regretted It For 1 Second! OMG Please Enjoy This Video.

According To My Mom Vol 1.

I Had Recently Revealed To My 68 Year Old Thai Mother That If I Was To Get Married; That I'd Probably Marry A Jewish Man. Her Response Was Surprisely Positive. "Oh Jewish Men Make Great Husbands. They're Good With Their Money, Their Family, And It's All Around Great Security. Who The Fuck Would Let Their Son Marry You?" My Mom Has Recently Been Trying "Fuck" Out In The Backyard And Lemme Tell You From Experience She Loves To Cuss Now.

I Went Through My Phone To Show Her All My Of Prime Time Jews.
After I Showed Her Fat Jew She Thought I Was Kidding When I Professed My THICK LUST For Him To Her. She Was Straight Up Perplexed At My Attraction To This Adonis Of A Man. Didn't Help That The First Picture I Showed Her Was Of His Pubic Mound..... That's His Penis......

Then I Showed Her My Lovely Lovely Matthew Sterling. Not Only Does He Have The Looks Of A Hot Hot Hot Half Asian Model But He Sings....Just For Me At 8 AM Even After I Jumped Into A Pool Fully Clothed And Stole A Bottle Of Rum. He's V-Neck Tee Shirt Collection Is Extremely Impressive. Oh And He's The Only Person I Know That Can List Every Actor That Was On Mtv's Undressed. If That Isn't Enough Qualities To Husband Him Up ASAP Then I Probably Should Call IMBOYCRAZY For More Love Advise.

Who Do You Think Looks Best On Me?

Think Pink

So I'm Not Going To Address That Justin's Perfume Looks Much Like LOLA By Marc Jacobs. What's The Point? Yes They Look Similar. But Justin When That Extra Mile To Make His Flower Topper To His Perfume Look Like A Blooming Onion Vagina. I Have No Issues With It. I Give This Kid Credit.....He's Like This Is My Favorite Scent And I Want All My Bitches To Smell Like This.

FATHER'S DAY

I Haven't Celebrated Father's Day Since I Was Child. Luckily All My Friends Are Dads And Make Incredible Jams For Me To Fuck To.

Toy Shopping With The Wife

If You Think I Sound Like A Monster When I Laugh Out Loud......Then Your Like Most Of The Men Buried In My Basement.