CW is ruinning my efil

the joint network of the WB and the UPN is the current CW....They live off of the idea of Aaron Spelling.....Teens are untapped market (supposedly) when it comes down to facts tweens and teens do have the biggest factor in due to the fact parents pay for major purchases. regaurdless The CW has ruined my favorite book. I don't read a lot of books mostly Magazines and Science shit whatever whatever CW ruinned the one book series I loved....next to Harry Potter Gossip Girl is sucha saucy steamy book series of slorey upper east siders....the show is tots off like most adaptions of books to the small scene but the twist and turns make faithful readers questioned the maddness....like for example the Character Jenny The actress is proll just going with direction but I hate the tv verison. The Book Jenny was mousey,doe eyed girl. Mean while tv Jenny or is it ginny? Gah whatever......she sucks as a character mini wannnabee Serena? tots blows....sticking to the books woulda been better.....maybe i'm just a hard critic but I do watch the show due to the love of the books......so miz so miz how many times can you party with those slores from GG and not hate yourself a little bit??????

Everybody in Dune is going to get blown!

After the hours of driving from Jericho It was only fair that we partied hard.....

We arrived at Dune a little past 2 am to be greeted by Ryland our number one homo....we got our bracelet from our other favo homo Adriel....perf timing indeed! We only saw a few familiar faces....but none the less we had an amazing evening. This Drunk Dude that is studying -premed at Columbia kept talking to me nd Ry....he finally brought us over to his little private table where this blonde that had her nipples exposed the whole time. Three dudes all wearing white button downs with khakis=flacid dicks...whatever. The pre-med guy kept telling us his boys were gay which was tots not true...

Then there was the Bacholor, he was this bodybuilder guy that tots looked like a cracked out Reggie bush....Well his boy wanted me to grab his ass for 50 bucks...i declined... But them cheering "Go Sequins,GO Sequins!" which made me blush.....only because my dress was sooo freakin' fierceeeee....Pink Sequins.....sexy

fo real?

Jamie lynn gave birth to a baby girl......it only seems like yesterday it was x-mas and we found out the yummy news she was preggo.........regardless, your show is done, your career is currently ruin and your sister is M I A........Jamie help us out!

The Best Night with Emily Ott

It was my companies Christmas Party. It was hosted by Heartland Brewery in The Empire State Building....Like usual I was broke. I had stopped by the Burger Gyro joint right by my apt on ave B, I was super short on cash the manager said i could pay him back tomorrow and asked why I was paying for my food with coins....yeah i was the deep. I had told him i didn't get paid until midnight that night, which was true and that I needed to save my cash for taxi fare home which was also true. He gave me 10 bucks and said " You know as an employer it's really important to me that my employees to show up to a Christmas party. It's just apart of the game." I smiled so big my eyes went chinky (insert Asian joke here). I told him I owed him....but whenever I went back he was never there so I wasn't in debt to anyone anymore Ha. Now I was packing all my shit up to move back to the Tramptons because my sister really hated how much of a jerk I have become and she was really fed up with my late night or early morning shenanigans. Honestly if i wasn't me, I'd hate me. I'm really obnoxious when it comes down to it. Anyway Emily is sitting on a sliver of couch that isn't covered in boxes and cat hair as I rush to make myself look GORG. My hair was flat ironed, my make up was red and black and well frankly my red dress just topped off how flipping Asian I could look.
Emily and I were really broke. We wanted to party hard but had no dough. Luckily my company party was tots booze city. We get there and the first person we see is my super gay Human Resources director. With his thinning greased up hair and tight clothing he was a spitting image or Elton John in the early 80's. Minus the glasses but tots rocking the gaped tooth smile. He hugs me and I introduce him to Emily. I then tell him the check in girl said I didn't have a plus one but that I had paid the 30 dollars like I was suppose to weeks ago, a huge lie. He looks at the chick and tells her to let us in. Success! We drink Trump Vodka all night long. We look at the finger food wishing we didn't have eating disorders and laugh at all the narsty slores that worked for my company. From the ripped personal trainers that were formerly ex cons to the super gay yoga instructors the laughs we're all there. All my old coworkers from my old department were there. Some guys I haven't seen in 6 months were all so happy to see me and looking as freakin fine as I did. I got mad numbers a lot of "lost". But the best part has to be when I saw my favorite person from my old company. He was a personal trainer covered from head to toe in tattoos. He's 33 years young and has a baby boy and a gorg wife. Before I could even finish saying his name he's tots making out with me, in front of our co-workers,in front our bosses and managers, and worst of all his younger brother. I was speechless literally. I blushed so badly that Emily had to whisk me away.
After several more drinks and waiting for the carriage to turn into a pumpkin. We exit as slickly as possible, but my training buddy just happen to see me. He grabs me and kisses me real hard I open my eyes to see his wife standing behind him on a few steps down. I'm mortified and tell him "I love you but your wife is tots eating my soul with her eyes so I gotta go. Merry Christmas." As we're walking to the closest subway station Frank pops outta nowhere. He's a sweet older black gent that worked in maintaince. He tends to joke about crazy bitches,drugs,the 70's and how crazy white people are. We're buddies. He walks us to the station singing and dancing in the middle of the street. I see my bank my heart pulsed so fast, i had check my watch it was 12:15 am I had money! I got 40 bucks and tears roll down my face. Emily has Tony Badones and speed dial. No Answer.
We headed to Hiro to see Team Facelift. Did I mention I was Cellphoneless? No wait that was the following week at Snitchmas another amazing drunken night. Um no so I had my phone I guess. Regardless. The little gay man at the front of the line at Hiro whom our friend Jason has tots bedded, gives me some hardcore sass. I go tell him "Look my boys are performing...blah blah blah" Lies upon lies come out of my candy pink lips. He lets us in. So far Emily and I hadn't spent a dime...perf. We get in see many familiar faces and friends and most importantly a beautifully tanned boy with a baby blue navy hat and matching boybeater. He was wearing fishnet gloves and was saying "fierce" every other word. He was our newest best friend. Trannies,hoeboes and a few gangsters polluted the audience. Em and I were getting antsy, some how we make our way downstairs into a green room covered in green leaves and empty plastic cups. More friends greet us including the band. Fonda was rocking green and leather spenders....epic. Machine was rockin an over sized Dick Tracy tee and retro shades while Fat jew was still in his pre-show outfit which was a vintage red cincinnati indians coat. We met some of the opening act Trouble. Which is headed by former pro snow boarder Trevor Andrew. He had this bangin Coach leather jacket on. It was really freakin' swank! Someone's voice is letting us know the show starts in 5 minutes. As we walk out we see Matt Lally of Blood St. by this point Emily and I have been going to every show, every saturday night at Snitch. I guess I just never got around to introducing them. Before I could even say "Matt this is my friend Emily" He was making out with her. Fake pink hair sprouted out his NRA baseball cap as he Frenched my friends face. Her expression after it stopped was priceless. I couldn't give that many happy endings to see that face again. Both performances were amazing. We had been dancing and singing along to all our favorite tunes. Afterwards I got accosted by a magic performing hoeboe to the point that everyone around me was giving him some bills....sadly I was two hj's away from begging for money that I drunkenly ran away into the safety of a yellow cab. Emily had left earlier...I think i mean i hope....I mean I tots walked her to her cab and kissed her good bye.

Safe Sex Goes Virual

we came across this youtube clip a while back including all of it's sequels too.....Ads for safe sex....this one is our fav outta the series.....maybe it's the gaint purple condom on the penis roller coaster that gets us going

Sir Drake

This past weekend we tots saw our favorite clothing designers....Paul and Topper. They're the masterminds behind The Sir Drake Clothing Line. Specializing in clothes that make the man. From swanky spenders to aray of dazzling polos. These boys held an event at the East Hampton Blue & Cream to showcase some of their hard work. Cops had stopped by to preview some of the gear as well. Lola's finiest Mr. James Cruickshank even graced us with some skating skills.

Summmmmer Time Buzz Killers Alert

bug bites.....serious serious bugs bites.....my sweet and tangy asian skin is a target for

hungry bugs

Sun Burns many many many summers ago I was able to suntan when my family owned a little burger shake at Long Beach in Noyac in the early 90's but soon after the summer I shaved my head I became fully Irish or something because I tots would burn like crazy. Cooked Lobsters would be tots jealous of my crimson red flesh....best part is touching it and watching your hot sticky skin turn from white to red...or watching the ice cubes melt from the top of your chest down to your belly button....


Creeps there's an unlimited supply of them this season....
From the Wanna Be Bankers that have a Share In Some Smelly dirty Manison....luckily they're only out every four weekend or so.. Then there's the Mooch or Bum.....he has nowhere to stay, no car to get around, and yet he's sooo twisted and still manages to persuades a chick to bang in a bathroom before the nights over....(way to go)but you're still a major creep
Then there's the Struggling 30 something guy all his buddies have their shit together and have some what successful careers. He's still kinda teaching yoga but is also kinda a dog walker that also house sits on his free time. He tends to lie about his age to drunk teens to bring them back to the pool house he rents from his friend's parents. The Starving Artist he's either a photographer that once has an editorial in Vanity Fair or Hamptons Magazine. Or he's a really bad screenplay writters that drinks coffee and smokes boogies a pack at a time. He chats about how awesome music in the 70's is but then looses the purpose of the conversation half way through. The creepy 17 year old he roams the streets because he's cursed with a baby face and is constantly denied at the door of most bars and clubs....he's never alone, he carries a crew that's willing to whistle at you until your heels are finally outta sight. He calls you Ma' or Shorty.....this doesn't go well for me considering I'm nearly 6 feet tall....heels I'ma Beast so that's a punch in the face waiting to happen. The Candyman he's that 40 something year old guy surrounded by a gaggle of 20 something hot chicks.....spoon feeding them drugs and alcohal....spending all of his retirement money of hot pieces of ass.....we're probably he's date majority of the summer...ha


Camping trips this can make or break your summer....Check for rocks before setting the tent umm idk if you've gotten rocks up your ass in the middle of sex but it's pretty rough. Collect dry fire wood plus a fake log. Wrap your food up good unless you love being waking up by animals eating your food...raccoons have thumbs i've seen it! Paper towels,Paper towels,Paper towels. Extra batteries for cameras,music players and vibrators....


Town Cops I offically know it's Summer When I'm blowing 3 cops just to get out of a parking ticket.....East Hampton cops have these plate zappers that scan your shit....if you're not suppose to be on the road because you got a DUI right after your cousin's wedding....best not be on the road. State Troopers like making appearences too...they just love causing district troubles in Mouthampton.

Finding a tennis court let's face it after we sold our house in Mouthampton a few years ago with the clay court our game hasn't been the same....we know of private courts throughtout the heavy wooded residents but don't be afraid to run from the cops or angry fat neighbors when they come snooping around.


Hook up stealers your boy from the city is crashing and fucks two of your best girls....your stuck in the middle.....who stole him from who? Um who cares you've been fucking him since 10th grade.......


Heavily Guarded Celebs are whack. If you think your in danger in the Tramptons you deserved to be spit on by the drunken slags waiting on line for the bathroom that you cut....sowwee


New Money they just have no class.They Tramp up the Tramptons and think that White House is FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! You can spot their fake blue contacts and orange tans and fake tits. They're just doing what they heard was cool according to Vh1's Fabulous Life......I think Florida misses you......