Dear Eddie Murphy Vol 1

I Grew Up Around Celebrities My Whole Life. No Big Whoop. I Sexually Harass Alec Baldwin On The Regular......He's Still In The Process Of Filing His Paperwork....NO Seriously.

Anyway Only Person I Ever Bugged Out On Was Andy Samberg When I Was 17.  But After Much Much Much Thought. I Figured Out Who'd I'd Probably Cry If I Saw In Person. CRRRRRY Like Ming Lee From Japan When She Saw Michael Jackson For The 8th Time.

I Think I'd Probably Cry If Eddie Murphy Came Into My Life. With His Beautiful Smile, His Wonderful Laugh, His Phenomenal Facial Expressions. I'm Pretty Positive When He Was On SNL Getting Shot Dressed As Buckwheat He Was Thinking "Oh Man I Can't Wait To Fuck This Baby That Hasn't Even Been Born Yet". I Know He Was. Now You Know He Was. Let's Face It, I'm Gonna Meet Him, Cry Then Try To Blow Him Under A Table In A Badly Lit Comedy Club....I Don't Think He Even Goes Into Those. But Still I Want EDDDDDDDIIIIEEEEEE MURPHY!


Dear Eddie Murphy from daddy issues on Vimeo.

RINGGGGA

Having A Truly Awful Week Yet THIS Video Has Made It Slighly Better

Terrible Thursday

I Love The 90's Like Bobby Brown Misses Whitney's Money. There's Something So Delicious About Watching A Terrible Music Video. Like Whenever I See Road Kill Up Ahead On My Way To The Corner That I Hook On....I Have To Literally Press My Face To The Window And See What Kind Of Animal It Is. I Took Another Way To Work Two Days Ago And For Some Sick Reason I Got Excited When I Saw A Dead Deer And Opossum On The Same Short Stretch Of Street. Why? Because I Hate Those Fuckers.

Ever Seen A Real Live Opossum In The Dead Of Night? A Crisp Spring Night While Your Hopped On Drugs? Well Lemme Just Tell You They're Bastards. Filthy Disgusting Bastards. Like Over Grown Rat Bastards. Did I Mention They're Mean?  I Couldn't Even Imagine Seeing One Hanging Upside Down Like In The Bambi Movie. I Think I Might Just Cry Right Now Thinking About It.

So This Music Video Is Sooooo Typical Late 90's Video. The Group Is On Mopeds On Their Way To The Boardwalk. So Far So Good...Following The Formula....Wifebeaters, Carnival Lights, Jetskiis, Guys In Over Sized Sports Jerseys And Those Purple/Red Sunglasses!!! AMAZING! I Mean What Band Didn't Have A Music Video On A Boardwalk? I'm Sure Jessica Simpson,LFO And Mandy Moore Did The Same Or Similar.....



Now Don't You Feel A Litte Bit Better After Watching That? Those Infectious Beats, Those Innocent Yet Graphic Lyrics? "I Know It's Not For Me/ I'm In Too Deep/ I Missed A Miles Of Fun" Okay I Really Don't Know The Lyrics. BUT I Am A Pervert And A Lot Of My Key Words Were Being Sang. My Ears Were Literally Burning. This Bubble Gum Shit That Passed For Music In The Late 90's Makes Me So Happy. Reminds Me Of 7th Grade When I Was Sexually Frustrated, Confused Why There Was Hair Growing There And Where Is That Smell Coming From? I Wanted To Share This Beautiful Yet Extremely Awful Music Video With You. So You Can Understand The Demented Mood I'm In While I Talk To Creeps On The Internet About Their Sexual Problems. I'm The AZN Fucking Dr. Ruth Over Here.

Hello My Lovlies

I've Been A Little MIA With The Internet For A Hot Minute. Don't Be Worry My Little Pretties. I Wasn't In A Bangkok Prison Learning New Crafts Like Basket Weaving. That Was The Summer Of 2004. I Did Travel A Bit. I Did Adquire Some Fantastic New Friends On The Way And Great Stories That Will Last Me Until My Two Front Teeth Pop Outta My Face From My Abusive New Girlfriend In 2032. The Way I See It.....I'll Go On A Major Rampage The Day Bill Clinton Dies. I'm Predicting He'll Die While Having Sex With Me. Please Enjoy This Little Ditty From A Very Under Rated Band Cake