Fresh Faced

I'm Sorry My Gays But Madge Isn't Looking Toooo Fresh In This Picture. I Would Formly Like To Thank The Plastic Surgeon That's Encouraging Aging Actresses And Entertainers To Get This AWFUL Cheek Implants. It Doesn't Make You Look Younger But Bloated..... Like An Alcoholic.

Wanna Come Home With Me?

I've Been Really Sick Due To Allergies And Stress. Taking Time Off From Work And Other Responsiblities I've Spent A Much Needed Time In Bed Like Mad Madame Mim.



Like Mad Madame Mim I Hate Sunshine And Everything Wholesome.....I Prefer Having A Pale Glow And Dark Bags Under My Eyes. But My Family Suggested I Get Out And Get Some Real Vitamin D. I Mean I Spend Hundreds Of Dollars On Vitamins Online Just To Stay Inside...That's Because I Want To Have China White Skin Like Dolly Parton. My Whitening Face Wash Has Given Me Back Years...(I'm Pretty Sure There's Stem Cells In There). If I Could Hold My Breath Underwater I'd Let Those Pedicure Fish Eat The Dead Skin Off My Face. But The Salon I Went To Says We'd Have To Do That Procedure "After Hours".

Speaking Of Fish I Went To Petco. I Really Want A Pet Octopus Or Codfish. But Apparently I'm Not Smart Enough To Keep It Alive. Oh Really? I Saw 60 Frogs In A Plastic Trash Can In Chinatown. Sure They Might Not Be Happy But They're Alive Aren't They? Until Some Hungry Family Buys Them For Food Which Is NARLY. If A Chinese Man With Grey Hair Growing Out Of His Ears & Nose Can Keep Sea Creatures Alive I Totes Can Too!

Here's Some Pics And A Video I Made From My Adventure....In Petco

Stinky Albino

Gossiping Birdies

ON SALE!

Retired Drag Queen Alert

HOLY FUCK FACE

Bristol Palin Is Famous For Being The Pregnant Daughter Of A Potential VP Candidate. She's Now The Ambassador Or Something To Some Stupid Campaign For Abstinence. That's Like An Obese Person Campaigning For Anorexia. Anyway Little Bristol Was On Dancing With The Star This Past Fall. And I Believe Kathy Griffin Had Said That Bristol Was The Only "Star" To Gain Weight In DWTS History. Bristol Fired Back Saying Something Like Kathy Was A Bully With Botched Surgery.

I'm Not Anti-Plastic Surgery But Sometimes Doing Too Much All At Once Is A Little Cray Cray When Your In The "Spotlight". I Had No Idea The Swan Was Coming Back To Tv.

Bristol Doesn't Exactly Come From A Strong Educational Background Or Good Genetics. She Does Look Better But She Looks Like The Barbie Verision OF Herself. Girl Who You Fuckin'? You've NEVER Worn Your Hair Like That Or Worn Anything Not Republican Party Approved. (Minus Your AWFUL Dresses On DTWS) I Get It, But Your Never Going To Be A Positive Role Model Ever....Neither Will I But I'm Not Making Bank Pretending Not To Fuck For Money. Lemme Just Finish This Off With Your Too Fucking Young To Get A Brow Lift But You Needed A Chin Like Charlie Sheen Needs To Go Back Into Rehab....BADLY.

Nuff Said

We Can Make This Work

Dear Kingston Rossdale,

I Know Your Only 4 And That I Am Just Another Cougar In Training Or "Babysitter That Isn't Allowed By Schools Or Public Parks" But I Really Think We Have Something Special. I Don't Drive And Your Strictly On Scooter Or Stroller Hopping. But I Honestly Think I Love You. Your Sense Of Style Is Decades Above Those Other Whack Wanna Be Star Babies And You Really Know How To Rock A Those Expensive Kid Brands.

I Love That Your Blonde But Not Afraid To Show Your Roots That's So Mature Of You. But To Pick Up Other Women Infront Of The Phototags Has Really Jilted Me.

 I Thought What We Had Was Unquiely Ours. If I Had Known You'd Be Playing The Field I Wouldn't Have Invested So Much Of My Heart, NO....MY SOUL Into Devoting Myself To You. I Wouldn't Say I'm Heartbroken But Disappointed Like Any Teacher Would When Her Favorite Pupil Has Stopped Measuring His Penis In His Text Book And Purposely Leave It On Her Desk. I Feel Like Kel Without Keenan, Like When Buffy The Vampire Slayer Left The WB For UPN, Like When Ryan Gossling Stopped Making Young Hercules.....BETRAYED. Kingston I'll Wait For You Not Because In The State Of California Our Relationship Won't Be Legal Until Your Finally 18 But Because Your Mother's Restraining Order Still Holds Up Until 2015.