In The Mean Time Of Me Confronting My Adulthood Head On I'd Like To Share Some Of My Favorite Things. Oprah Isn't OWNing Me Today Ladies....Unless She Gives Me A Free Ipad 2 Or Gives Me Dr.Oz's Phone Number I Don't Owe Her ANYTHING.
So Lemme Just Highlight Some Of The Things I've Been Obsessing With. (Besides Penis,Glitter, And The Drag Queens That Have Both)
First Off The Wife And I Discovered A Great Movie.It's Called Mystery Team And Stars Donald Glover From Community. Donald Plays Jason A High School Senior With The Soul Of A 10 Year Old. He Spends Majority Of His Free Time Solving Petty Crimes With His Two Best Friends Charlie The Strongest Kid In Town And Duncan The Boy Genius. The Boys Have Been Foiling 7 Years Olds From Stealing And Have A 24 Booth Where A Redheaded Special Needs Adult Girl Bikes By To Tell The Boys Her Tips. Like The Comish And Batman With The Bat Signal Except Commissioner Gordon Is A Hot Redhead Riding Her Bike Around Town Talking To Trash Cans And Harassing The Little Kids At The Park Because Her Aging Grandmother Who Probably Takes Care Of Her Is Too Tired To Keep Her Chained Up In The Basement.
Anyway The Boys Get Their Hands Full When Asked To Solved A Double Homicide. From The Great Cameos From Other Comedians To The Best Lines Ever This Movie Is Def Worth Watching Stoned On A Sunday Night When Family Guy, American Dad And Everything Else On Fox Is All Reruns. Or Because I Said So And You'll Never Understand Anything I Say Because It Would Be A Line From This Movie. I've Also Discovered There's A Boatload Of Webisodes On YouTube. That's Like Getting A Dick Pic On Your Cell And Sending It To One Of Your Girls To Show Her What Your Getting Later But Then Send It To Everyone On Your Cell. Now Everyone Knows What Great Dong Your Getting Later. (Fun Fact: Donald Glover Also Goes By DongLover....)
Ahanu And I Have Been Quoting This Movie Nonstop. Some Favorites Are:
"Whatever You Do Don't Suck Their Dicks"
"FUCK! Yeah I Say Fuck Now! I've Been Trying It Out In The Backyard"
"What Is That?"
"My C-Section Scar. For 5 Bucks I'll Let You Cum On It"
"I'll Give You 2 If You Tell Me What That All Means"
"I Drank Dog Pee"
"With The Market The Way It Is....It's Better To Rent Cocaine"
Secondly Bob's Burgers Has Been Making Me Cream My Lace Panties For Weeks. It Stars Some Really Talented People But The Only Person I Care About Is John Roberts The Person Behind Mittymoo....Don't Know What I'm Talking About?
Anyway I've Loved John Roberts Forever. He Reminds Me Of All The Jersey/Long Island Moms At The Malls Hasseling Me For Taking Too Long In The Changing Rooms Then Makes A Panda Express Joke When I Walk Out. Great Right? Anyway Bob's Burgers Is An Epic Addition To Fox's Animation Domination Block. Spicing Up The Family Dynamic By Adding A Family Business Which I Could Relate.
I Grew Up In My Mom's Thai Restaurant For 17 Years. Unlike Every Other Thai Restaurant Ours Had An Irish Sports Bar Connected. Out Menu Had Pad Thai,Pork Fried Rice, Chicken Pot Pie,Pizza And Burgers. I'm Not Complaining....I Got To Harass Hamptons' Celebrities, The Regulars Taught Me How To Never Settle For Your High School Sweetheart Because You'll End Up Sitting In A Bar Watching Jeopardy Every Night, And How To Place My Napkins On A Table. Enough About My Theraphy Sessions.
Bob's Burgers Is Hysterical. Bob Is a Disgruntled Dad Trying To Make It With What He's Got. His Wife Linda Is A Dreamer, His Oldest Daughter Tina Is Slower Than Hugh Hefner On A Conga Line, His Son Gene Is A Constant Reminder He Should Have Pulled Out And Louise Is The Smart Trouble Maker. Tina Is Hands Down My Favorite Animated Character With A Defect Since Timmy From South Park.
So I Rarely Watch Mtv. The Only Time I Do Is To Get My Dj Pauly D Fix From The Jersey Shore. But Something Awkward Happened One Night During A Commerical Break. I Wasn't Sure If This Was Real Or A Gag. So I Hear A Snoop Dogg Song Come Up. It's A Little Dated But Still A Classic Jam At Proms. I See This Average Ugly Girl To Start To Dance. The Way I'd Dance If I Was At A Babyshower To Lighten Up The Mood Because We're All 17 And Barely Graduated High School.
But It Turns Out This Wasn't A Gag For One Of Mtv's Failed Comedy Shows. It Wasn't For A Nick Cannon's Awful Show And Now I'm Addicted To The Commerical. If Anything It Probably Tastes Terrible But If Your A Futurama Fan It Tastes Like Slurrrrm.
Ok Kids I'm OFF. Sure I Couldda Talked About How The World Is Coming To The End And That Elizabeth Taylor Died And Pretend I Loved Nate Dogg And That I Some How Only Heard About The Shiz In Japan....But Hey! I Cry Enough That I Wake Up Next To A Fat Dog Instead Of A Naked Under Age Boy.
