Tuesday, November 24, 2009
How Many Squirrels Have To Die To Make You Look Fly Bitch?
I'm Sure PETA Is Going To Have a Flipping Field Day Over This. Speaking of Which My Favorite PETA Member Lacey From Rock Of Love Vol 1 Is Gonna Hunt Me Down Like a Wild Bore. But Why Should I Be Scared? She Blew Bret Michaels,I Know it, You Know it, and Thanks To Heather Lacey's Dad Knows It.
What's On Every Hipster's Wish List This Season? The Rat Bow Tie
Is Jenny Humphrey Your Fashion Icon? How About You Complete Your Smokey Eye Make Up,Jacket and Pearl Necklace Combo With The Latest Craze.....The Rat Head Band.
Oh No Blair Waldorf This Isn't Making You Cream Yourself? Are You Looking For a Bolder Hair Raising Statement?....Nothing Spells Luxury Like The Hamster Hair Pin
Not Classy Enough For You Asshole? How About This Fashion Gem. The Rat Purse. All Your Girlfriends Will Be So Jealous When You Whip Out Your Blackberry Outta This Sexxxy Accessory
Every Girl Loves Shoes Right? Well Let's Thank Sonic For These Little Beauties Shall We? The Hedgehog Booties
Doo Doo Brown Isn't Your Shade? How About The Pink Bird Pumps? Just Like Apollo Or Michael Jordan You Too Can Fly.
Need Earrings With Those Shoes? How About These Sparrow Feet Earrings?
Sometimes It Gets Chilly in The Winter and You Lose 20% Of Your Body Heat Through Your Ears and Head. So Why Not Put A Nice Thick Beaver On Your Noggin?Nothing Is Sexier then a Pussy On The Brain. Well Beaver...In This Case It's a Beaver and a Fox.
If You're Worried That Wont Keep Your Ears Warm How About Do What The Romans Do? Bulk Up On Fatty Foods During the Winter and Get a Bushy Tail. These Squirrel Ear Rings Should Do The Trick.
Hey Are You Excited About The New Alice in Wonderland Movie? Then You'll Love the Dormouse Wristlet. Miley Cyrus Is Dying For One.
What's On Every Hipster's Wish List This Season? The Rat Bow Tie
Is Jenny Humphrey Your Fashion Icon? How About You Complete Your Smokey Eye Make Up,Jacket and Pearl Necklace Combo With The Latest Craze.....The Rat Head Band.
Oh No Blair Waldorf This Isn't Making You Cream Yourself? Are You Looking For a Bolder Hair Raising Statement?....Nothing Spells Luxury Like The Hamster Hair Pin
Not Classy Enough For You Asshole? How About This Fashion Gem. The Rat Purse. All Your Girlfriends Will Be So Jealous When You Whip Out Your Blackberry Outta This Sexxxy Accessory
Every Girl Loves Shoes Right? Well Let's Thank Sonic For These Little Beauties Shall We? The Hedgehog Booties
Doo Doo Brown Isn't Your Shade? How About The Pink Bird Pumps? Just Like Apollo Or Michael Jordan You Too Can Fly.
Need Earrings With Those Shoes? How About These Sparrow Feet Earrings?
Sometimes It Gets Chilly in The Winter and You Lose 20% Of Your Body Heat Through Your Ears and Head. So Why Not Put A Nice Thick Beaver On Your Noggin?Nothing Is Sexier then a Pussy On The Brain. Well Beaver...In This Case It's a Beaver and a Fox.
If You're Worried That Wont Keep Your Ears Warm How About Do What The Romans Do? Bulk Up On Fatty Foods During the Winter and Get a Bushy Tail. These Squirrel Ear Rings Should Do The Trick.
Hey Are You Excited About The New Alice in Wonderland Movie? Then You'll Love the Dormouse Wristlet. Miley Cyrus Is Dying For One.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
I'm Known To Be a Creep To Most Male Celebrities
Last Fall When I Was Living Off Of 7th ST, I Had Absolutely No Tv/Cable, a Bf To Keep Me Company Or A Cheap Drug Habit. Our Neighbor Let Me Borrow Season 1 of Lost Which Was Awesome Because I Hadn't Seen Any of The First Season But Was a Die Hard Fan. I Was Watching Endless Hours Of Lost While My Room Mate Would Be At School Or Our Dog Lola Would Get Sick Of The Dog Park at Tompkins Sq.
If You Don't Watch Lost This Whole Entry May Upset You Or Make You Love How Much Of a Major Creep I am.
In The First Season Of Lost Currant Fang Banger (Vampire Dairies) Ian Somerhalder Played Boone Carlyle. (SIDE NOTE: The Episode of Lost Titled :"All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues" Is One Of The Reasons Behind My Twitter Name.)Well It's Known Boone Dies Off In The First Season I Just Wasn't Sure When In The Season Or How. But When He Did I Was a Complete Mess. Boone Died In This Cave As Jack and Sun Tried To Save His Life After an Accident In The Forest With Locke.
I Got a Little Bored Waiting For My Room Mate To Get Home and All My Other Slutty Friends Were Off Getting Dick And Ignoring My Calls. It Was Still Mega Early So I Decided To Make a Pit Stop At My Local Watering Hole St. Dymphna's On St. Marks & Ave A. Back In The Day This Spot Used To Have An Outdoor Area You Could Smoke In. It's Still There But They Took Down The Faux Roof/Noise Barrier and It's Totally Not The Same.
So Back In The Bar I'm Sitting By Myself Drinking a Wheat Beer, As I'm Texting Everyone In My D&G Motorola Phone. Totes Being a Miserable Nancy Someone Caught My Eye. There Was This Gorgeous Model Type Guy Sitting With a Few People In The Corner Table Across From My Seat At The Bar. It Was Dimly Lit And My Beer Goggles Were Kicking In. Then I Saw His Face Completely....Blue Eyes,Scruffy Beard....It Was Him! IT WAS BOONE! No It Can't be, Why OF ALL BARS Would He Grace MY BAR?
I Continued Drinking My Boredom Away. But Couldn't Stop Staring At This Guy. I Was Way Too Chicken Shit To Say Anything So I Called The Remainder Of The Slags In My Phone....No One Picked Up....Those Bitches. Who Was In The Neighborhood That Loved Lost As Much As I Did That Could Show up Here In 5 mins To Help Me?
I Glanced up From My Phone. Oh Shit Where is He? Fuck I Missed My Opportunity To Confess My Heart To Him. That My Lustful Desires Of Being On a Monster infested Island!!! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I TALK TO HIMMM!!! Omg There he is! Okay Finish Your Liquid Courage And Stop Being a Pussy. But is it REALLY Him?
As Doubt Was Eating Up My Insides One Of His Friends Said His Name...."Yo Ian". It Was Him. Wearing a Stingy Brim Fedora He Looked Like a Stud. "Ian?" I Said As If Saying His Name Gave Me a Mini Heart Attack. He Turned Around And Step Into My Direction. "Yes?" He Billowed Towards My Asian Glow Infested Face. I Grinned, But Then Tears Started Jetting OUT OF MY FACE. "Ian I Watched You Die Today" I Weeped Loudly. His Nature Response Was "What?" Of Course...Then Before I Knew It I Had Told Him Everything That Happened That Day In 30 Seconds. His Friends Started Laughing And Screaming "I Watched You Die To" "I Watch You Die Everyday". I Blushed And Apologized Something I Rarely Do To Hunks But I Embarrassed Him Hard Body So I Felt He Was Entitled. I Had Asked Him If He Missed Living In Hawaii and If He Got And Hula Dancer Yani. If He Wished Sawyer Gave Him a Cool Nick Name Or If Charlie Had Hairy Hobbit Feet. He Smiled And Said He Was Glad He Still Had Fans. I Weeped Just a Little Bit Then He Assure Me He Was In Fact Alive. We Smoked a Cigarette And We Parted Ways.
Now Ladies and Gents....What You May Or May Not Know I Can Cry On Cue. Was This One Of Those Occasions? The World May Never Know.
If You Don't Watch Lost This Whole Entry May Upset You Or Make You Love How Much Of a Major Creep I am.
In The First Season Of Lost Currant Fang Banger (Vampire Dairies) Ian Somerhalder Played Boone Carlyle. (SIDE NOTE: The Episode of Lost Titled :"All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues" Is One Of The Reasons Behind My Twitter Name.)Well It's Known Boone Dies Off In The First Season I Just Wasn't Sure When In The Season Or How. But When He Did I Was a Complete Mess. Boone Died In This Cave As Jack and Sun Tried To Save His Life After an Accident In The Forest With Locke.
I Got a Little Bored Waiting For My Room Mate To Get Home and All My Other Slutty Friends Were Off Getting Dick And Ignoring My Calls. It Was Still Mega Early So I Decided To Make a Pit Stop At My Local Watering Hole St. Dymphna's On St. Marks & Ave A. Back In The Day This Spot Used To Have An Outdoor Area You Could Smoke In. It's Still There But They Took Down The Faux Roof/Noise Barrier and It's Totally Not The Same.
So Back In The Bar I'm Sitting By Myself Drinking a Wheat Beer, As I'm Texting Everyone In My D&G Motorola Phone. Totes Being a Miserable Nancy Someone Caught My Eye. There Was This Gorgeous Model Type Guy Sitting With a Few People In The Corner Table Across From My Seat At The Bar. It Was Dimly Lit And My Beer Goggles Were Kicking In. Then I Saw His Face Completely....Blue Eyes,Scruffy Beard....It Was Him! IT WAS BOONE! No It Can't be, Why OF ALL BARS Would He Grace MY BAR?
I Continued Drinking My Boredom Away. But Couldn't Stop Staring At This Guy. I Was Way Too Chicken Shit To Say Anything So I Called The Remainder Of The Slags In My Phone....No One Picked Up....Those Bitches. Who Was In The Neighborhood That Loved Lost As Much As I Did That Could Show up Here In 5 mins To Help Me?
I Glanced up From My Phone. Oh Shit Where is He? Fuck I Missed My Opportunity To Confess My Heart To Him. That My Lustful Desires Of Being On a Monster infested Island!!! WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T I TALK TO HIMMM!!! Omg There he is! Okay Finish Your Liquid Courage And Stop Being a Pussy. But is it REALLY Him?
As Doubt Was Eating Up My Insides One Of His Friends Said His Name...."Yo Ian". It Was Him. Wearing a Stingy Brim Fedora He Looked Like a Stud. "Ian?" I Said As If Saying His Name Gave Me a Mini Heart Attack. He Turned Around And Step Into My Direction. "Yes?" He Billowed Towards My Asian Glow Infested Face. I Grinned, But Then Tears Started Jetting OUT OF MY FACE. "Ian I Watched You Die Today" I Weeped Loudly. His Nature Response Was "What?" Of Course...Then Before I Knew It I Had Told Him Everything That Happened That Day In 30 Seconds. His Friends Started Laughing And Screaming "I Watched You Die To" "I Watch You Die Everyday". I Blushed And Apologized Something I Rarely Do To Hunks But I Embarrassed Him Hard Body So I Felt He Was Entitled. I Had Asked Him If He Missed Living In Hawaii and If He Got And Hula Dancer Yani. If He Wished Sawyer Gave Him a Cool Nick Name Or If Charlie Had Hairy Hobbit Feet. He Smiled And Said He Was Glad He Still Had Fans. I Weeped Just a Little Bit Then He Assure Me He Was In Fact Alive. We Smoked a Cigarette And We Parted Ways.
Now Ladies and Gents....What You May Or May Not Know I Can Cry On Cue. Was This One Of Those Occasions? The World May Never Know.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Thursday, November 12, 2009
If You Don't Laugh, You're A Heartless Dick!
Years of Watching Jay Leno As A Child Has Rubbed Off On Me. Jay Always Made Fun Of pet Owners For Dressing Their Pets Up. I'm Definitely Guilty Of This...But O M G It's SO Hilarious!Seeing The Cat's Dead Pan Faces Makes It All The Funnier!I Hope This Makes Your Day! Here Are Some Internet Gems....
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