Rock this Love

Daisy De La Hoya, runner-up on VH1’s Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels,, was spotted out recently with Dave Navarro. Fun Fact Daisy is tots Oscar De La Hoya's Cousin.......

CW is ruinning my efil

the joint network of the WB and the UPN is the current CW....They live off of the idea of Aaron Spelling.....Teens are untapped market (supposedly) when it comes down to facts tweens and teens do have the biggest factor in due to the fact parents pay for major purchases. regaurdless The CW has ruined my favorite book. I don't read a lot of books mostly Magazines and Science shit whatever whatever CW ruinned the one book series I loved....next to Harry Potter Gossip Girl is sucha saucy steamy book series of slorey upper east siders....the show is tots off like most adaptions of books to the small scene but the twist and turns make faithful readers questioned the maddness....like for example the Character Jenny The actress is proll just going with direction but I hate the tv verison. The Book Jenny was mousey,doe eyed girl. Mean while tv Jenny or is it ginny? Gah whatever......she sucks as a character mini wannnabee Serena? tots blows....sticking to the books woulda been better.....maybe i'm just a hard critic but I do watch the show due to the love of the books......so miz so miz how many times can you party with those slores from GG and not hate yourself a little bit??????

Everybody in Dune is going to get blown!

After the hours of driving from Jericho It was only fair that we partied hard.....

We arrived at Dune a little past 2 am to be greeted by Ryland our number one homo....we got our bracelet from our other favo homo Adriel....perf timing indeed! We only saw a few familiar faces....but none the less we had an amazing evening. This Drunk Dude that is studying -premed at Columbia kept talking to me nd Ry....he finally brought us over to his little private table where this blonde that had her nipples exposed the whole time. Three dudes all wearing white button downs with khakis=flacid dicks...whatever. The pre-med guy kept telling us his boys were gay which was tots not true...

Then there was the Bacholor, he was this bodybuilder guy that tots looked like a cracked out Reggie bush....Well his boy wanted me to grab his ass for 50 bucks...i declined... But them cheering "Go Sequins,GO Sequins!" which made me blush.....only because my dress was sooo freakin' fierceeeee....Pink Sequins.....sexy

fo real?

Jamie lynn gave birth to a baby girl......it only seems like yesterday it was x-mas and we found out the yummy news she was preggo.........regardless, your show is done, your career is currently ruin and your sister is M I A........Jamie help us out!

The Best Night with Emily Ott

It was my companies Christmas Party. It was hosted by Heartland Brewery in The Empire State Building....Like usual I was broke. I had stopped by the Burger Gyro joint right by my apt on ave B, I was super short on cash the manager said i could pay him back tomorrow and asked why I was paying for my food with coins....yeah i was the deep. I had told him i didn't get paid until midnight that night, which was true and that I needed to save my cash for taxi fare home which was also true. He gave me 10 bucks and said " You know as an employer it's really important to me that my employees to show up to a Christmas party. It's just apart of the game." I smiled so big my eyes went chinky (insert Asian joke here). I told him I owed him....but whenever I went back he was never there so I wasn't in debt to anyone anymore Ha. Now I was packing all my shit up to move back to the Tramptons because my sister really hated how much of a jerk I have become and she was really fed up with my late night or early morning shenanigans. Honestly if i wasn't me, I'd hate me. I'm really obnoxious when it comes down to it. Anyway Emily is sitting on a sliver of couch that isn't covered in boxes and cat hair as I rush to make myself look GORG. My hair was flat ironed, my make up was red and black and well frankly my red dress just topped off how flipping Asian I could look.
Emily and I were really broke. We wanted to party hard but had no dough. Luckily my company party was tots booze city. We get there and the first person we see is my super gay Human Resources director. With his thinning greased up hair and tight clothing he was a spitting image or Elton John in the early 80's. Minus the glasses but tots rocking the gaped tooth smile. He hugs me and I introduce him to Emily. I then tell him the check in girl said I didn't have a plus one but that I had paid the 30 dollars like I was suppose to weeks ago, a huge lie. He looks at the chick and tells her to let us in. Success! We drink Trump Vodka all night long. We look at the finger food wishing we didn't have eating disorders and laugh at all the narsty slores that worked for my company. From the ripped personal trainers that were formerly ex cons to the super gay yoga instructors the laughs we're all there. All my old coworkers from my old department were there. Some guys I haven't seen in 6 months were all so happy to see me and looking as freakin fine as I did. I got mad numbers a lot of "lost". But the best part has to be when I saw my favorite person from my old company. He was a personal trainer covered from head to toe in tattoos. He's 33 years young and has a baby boy and a gorg wife. Before I could even finish saying his name he's tots making out with me, in front of our co-workers,in front our bosses and managers, and worst of all his younger brother. I was speechless literally. I blushed so badly that Emily had to whisk me away.
After several more drinks and waiting for the carriage to turn into a pumpkin. We exit as slickly as possible, but my training buddy just happen to see me. He grabs me and kisses me real hard I open my eyes to see his wife standing behind him on a few steps down. I'm mortified and tell him "I love you but your wife is tots eating my soul with her eyes so I gotta go. Merry Christmas." As we're walking to the closest subway station Frank pops outta nowhere. He's a sweet older black gent that worked in maintaince. He tends to joke about crazy bitches,drugs,the 70's and how crazy white people are. We're buddies. He walks us to the station singing and dancing in the middle of the street. I see my bank my heart pulsed so fast, i had check my watch it was 12:15 am I had money! I got 40 bucks and tears roll down my face. Emily has Tony Badones and speed dial. No Answer.
We headed to Hiro to see Team Facelift. Did I mention I was Cellphoneless? No wait that was the following week at Snitchmas another amazing drunken night. Um no so I had my phone I guess. Regardless. The little gay man at the front of the line at Hiro whom our friend Jason has tots bedded, gives me some hardcore sass. I go tell him "Look my boys are performing...blah blah blah" Lies upon lies come out of my candy pink lips. He lets us in. So far Emily and I hadn't spent a dime...perf. We get in see many familiar faces and friends and most importantly a beautifully tanned boy with a baby blue navy hat and matching boybeater. He was wearing fishnet gloves and was saying "fierce" every other word. He was our newest best friend. Trannies,hoeboes and a few gangsters polluted the audience. Em and I were getting antsy, some how we make our way downstairs into a green room covered in green leaves and empty plastic cups. More friends greet us including the band. Fonda was rocking green and leather spenders....epic. Machine was rockin an over sized Dick Tracy tee and retro shades while Fat jew was still in his pre-show outfit which was a vintage red cincinnati indians coat. We met some of the opening act Trouble. Which is headed by former pro snow boarder Trevor Andrew. He had this bangin Coach leather jacket on. It was really freakin' swank! Someone's voice is letting us know the show starts in 5 minutes. As we walk out we see Matt Lally of Blood St. by this point Emily and I have been going to every show, every saturday night at Snitch. I guess I just never got around to introducing them. Before I could even say "Matt this is my friend Emily" He was making out with her. Fake pink hair sprouted out his NRA baseball cap as he Frenched my friends face. Her expression after it stopped was priceless. I couldn't give that many happy endings to see that face again. Both performances were amazing. We had been dancing and singing along to all our favorite tunes. Afterwards I got accosted by a magic performing hoeboe to the point that everyone around me was giving him some bills....sadly I was two hj's away from begging for money that I drunkenly ran away into the safety of a yellow cab. Emily had left earlier...I think i mean i hope....I mean I tots walked her to her cab and kissed her good bye.

Safe Sex Goes Virual

we came across this youtube clip a while back including all of it's sequels too.....Ads for safe sex....this one is our fav outta the series.....maybe it's the gaint purple condom on the penis roller coaster that gets us going

Sir Drake

This past weekend we tots saw our favorite clothing designers....Paul and Topper. They're the masterminds behind The Sir Drake Clothing Line. Specializing in clothes that make the man. From swanky spenders to aray of dazzling polos. These boys held an event at the East Hampton Blue & Cream to showcase some of their hard work. Cops had stopped by to preview some of the gear as well. Lola's finiest Mr. James Cruickshank even graced us with some skating skills.

Summmmmer Time Buzz Killers Alert

bug bites.....serious serious bugs bites.....my sweet and tangy asian skin is a target for

hungry bugs

Sun Burns many many many summers ago I was able to suntan when my family owned a little burger shake at Long Beach in Noyac in the early 90's but soon after the summer I shaved my head I became fully Irish or something because I tots would burn like crazy. Cooked Lobsters would be tots jealous of my crimson red flesh....best part is touching it and watching your hot sticky skin turn from white to red...or watching the ice cubes melt from the top of your chest down to your belly button....


Creeps there's an unlimited supply of them this season....
From the Wanna Be Bankers that have a Share In Some Smelly dirty Manison....luckily they're only out every four weekend or so.. Then there's the Mooch or Bum.....he has nowhere to stay, no car to get around, and yet he's sooo twisted and still manages to persuades a chick to bang in a bathroom before the nights over....(way to go)but you're still a major creep
Then there's the Struggling 30 something guy all his buddies have their shit together and have some what successful careers. He's still kinda teaching yoga but is also kinda a dog walker that also house sits on his free time. He tends to lie about his age to drunk teens to bring them back to the pool house he rents from his friend's parents. The Starving Artist he's either a photographer that once has an editorial in Vanity Fair or Hamptons Magazine. Or he's a really bad screenplay writters that drinks coffee and smokes boogies a pack at a time. He chats about how awesome music in the 70's is but then looses the purpose of the conversation half way through. The creepy 17 year old he roams the streets because he's cursed with a baby face and is constantly denied at the door of most bars and clubs....he's never alone, he carries a crew that's willing to whistle at you until your heels are finally outta sight. He calls you Ma' or Shorty.....this doesn't go well for me considering I'm nearly 6 feet tall....heels I'ma Beast so that's a punch in the face waiting to happen. The Candyman he's that 40 something year old guy surrounded by a gaggle of 20 something hot chicks.....spoon feeding them drugs and alcohal....spending all of his retirement money of hot pieces of ass.....we're probably he's date majority of the summer...ha


Camping trips this can make or break your summer....Check for rocks before setting the tent umm idk if you've gotten rocks up your ass in the middle of sex but it's pretty rough. Collect dry fire wood plus a fake log. Wrap your food up good unless you love being waking up by animals eating your food...raccoons have thumbs i've seen it! Paper towels,Paper towels,Paper towels. Extra batteries for cameras,music players and vibrators....


Town Cops I offically know it's Summer When I'm blowing 3 cops just to get out of a parking ticket.....East Hampton cops have these plate zappers that scan your shit....if you're not suppose to be on the road because you got a DUI right after your cousin's wedding....best not be on the road. State Troopers like making appearences too...they just love causing district troubles in Mouthampton.

Finding a tennis court let's face it after we sold our house in Mouthampton a few years ago with the clay court our game hasn't been the same....we know of private courts throughtout the heavy wooded residents but don't be afraid to run from the cops or angry fat neighbors when they come snooping around.


Hook up stealers your boy from the city is crashing and fucks two of your best girls....your stuck in the middle.....who stole him from who? Um who cares you've been fucking him since 10th grade.......


Heavily Guarded Celebs are whack. If you think your in danger in the Tramptons you deserved to be spit on by the drunken slags waiting on line for the bathroom that you cut....sowwee


New Money they just have no class.They Tramp up the Tramptons and think that White House is FRICKIN' AWESOME!!! You can spot their fake blue contacts and orange tans and fake tits. They're just doing what they heard was cool according to Vh1's Fabulous Life......I think Florida misses you......

We Made the Right Call

We were going through our old Teen Beats and let's just say we're happy we fell in love with Justin Timberlake....Sure he rocked the pirate earring, the bleach blondeee buzz cut but he never had the penis ball hair cut like Nick Carter....speaking of which our favorite little wannabe crackhead Aaron is going to be on Celebrity Rehab

Don't Mess with Zohan

So we indulged in a late night flick on sunday.
Don't Mess With the Zohan surprisingly well written, this politcal piece was written by Sandler and the mastermind behind Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, Robert Smigel. It was really exciting to see Adam in such great shape....spending majority of the film dancing and fucking old Betties was enjoyable beginning to end. Now we used to be a big fan of the SAND MAN but lost interest due to the fact he got boring and over done. When Jimmy Fallen becomes famous because your personality is just overbarringly repetitive.....But we love you again. We love that you love English Bulldogs,surfing in Hawaii,you always give Rob Schneider work, oh and your a Daddy now! DILF Noice!

British Imports

With the All American Dollar value on the decline. It's leaving new Foreign imports to leave a splashing impression on us New York women. Pond hoppers have charm, wit,romance, dashing good looks and those accents are soooooo freakin' saucy. Many dating services in New York specialized in British gents......our top choices....Gerald Butler (300 hottie), Clive Owen(I'll Derail you) , Sasha Baron Cohen (Show me your goods), Orlando Bloom (we hear you broke your back once, wanna try to do it again), Jamie Campbell Bower ( we could most def Sweeny your Todd), The Harry Potter boys.....(we like those twins), Jermey Iron (we kinda love how deep his voice is), Joesph Fiennes (your our favorite favorite) the list goes on forever

Head Bangers Blog

We sometimes forget how much we love Nine inche Nails Trent and the rest of the boys are bout to release a new album for free.

The Latest teen obsession has to be this band called Tokio Hotel Big hair......Check 80's flare, Check, Sappy Power Ballets........Double Check Did we mention there was twins? Oh so spicy!

Our current favorite rocker to get better with age is Red Hot Chili Peppers Anthony Kedis...Scrumpious. After a few different hair styles and a few oral procedures and slaggy girlfriends....he still has the ability to melt our hearts. His baby momma is like tots only a few years oldder then us. Like two years tops. We're tots not a swedish model but we can make it seem like its one night in Bangkok everynight.


D e t h k l o k is on tour but before you go check them out L I V E.....realize they're a cartoons, catch the show on sundays on Adult Swim. Nathan recently became a Mayor in F l o R i d a......Perf!

Tramptons agenda for this wknd

Friday.....

Well there's Dune in North Sea

Sag Harbor will be tots buzzin'

Lily Pond in east hampton is always a good night


Saturday

Katy Perry will be a Dune....I kiss girls too...And i always like it.


Might hit up east Hampton......


Sunday is funday

Medi-Pedi Tea Party....

Boycott list

Sharon Stone is a kooky old bat. The Basic Instinct star whose supposedly only 50 years young. Has been making a complete ass of herself for years. It's only recently has her terrible mouth gotten herself into career threatening trouble. If her psycho performance in Alpha Dog wasn't fact enough that she's off her rocker. Then her asinine comments about China's earth quake was bad karma for the treatment of Tibetans.Then before that she insulted P.Diddy at a charity insinuating he loved smoking crack. WOWIE ZOWIE. It's no wonder Dior dropped her as their spokesperson. China officially put her on the black list. Banning her movies and her image throughout the country.


Next on our list has really proved herself to be nothing more then another conformist.

Avril Lavigne made a name for herself as being the anti-Britney. Sure that's why your currently stealing songs and dancing around in a corset. We feel she's become a huge hypocrite. Her whole career she's only made a huge ass of herself. From calling her young fans lame for rocking a tie, an image she made iconic for sk8ter boys and girls in the early 2000's. Then starting a feud with Hilary Duff. Oh Avril, your sooooo tough! Picking on a Disney star. That's like if Tori Spelling started a fight with Miley Cyrus. Avril's current tour is an interesting as watching two hoeboes fight over a half eaten hot dog in Tompkin Square Park minus the chance of a death. Oh that'd be epic. Oh we also hear she under paid all her dancers on this tour too. Way to go...shouldda had them sign some kind of agreement not to release such damaging info.

Now the next person we think should never be heard from again.....is that creep from the Kaboom commercials. Not that the product itself is phenomenal.( Have water stains? This junk can get it off for you and your nose)....my eyes haven't watered that much since 6th grade and I play 7 minutes in heaven with Mike....man oh man the memories.......



Ali Lohan is a new comer to the fame game. The wannabe singer is the younger sister to Mean Girl starlet Lindsay. Now Ali is much like her mother Dina. She has become a pro at spinning things in the media but will probably end up with egg on her face soon...or just unborn babies...she seems like a squally monster in the making...We know she's only 14 but Long Island Girls aren't afraid of anything including Herpes. Ali has made many guest appearances promoting her new reality show and well we love her facial expressions and her raspy voice, but according to The Post she's a diva to everyone around her. If she wants to be in the industry she needs to be respectable. We don't want you to become another Aaron Carter do we? House of Carters to Celebrity Rehab?


Spencer and Heidi the couple we love to hate....Really? That's what you wanna be famous for? Sure they are laughing all the way to bank making over 3 mill in the last 2 years for faking fights, faking feuds, faking tans and making awful music videos and cheap hooker clothes....but seriously if we continue to show interest in them as in buying the magazines they give exclusives to.....Us weekly, watching the Hills, going to YouTube to see Heidi's latest purchased pair of tits. Maybe just maybe they'll fade away. You'd think they'd just stop after they were booed at Dodgers Statium. Not this kids, they're a new breed of fame hungry rich white brats. It's like all these LA people that have money feel like they deserve to be famous, to be loved by everyone. To be paid to party. Remember when people would be famous for being an accomplished actor? Then you'd pay for them to be at your party? When did we switch that around? We hear Heidi wants to win an Oscar. Us too we hear the gold statue is the best butt plug in the industry.

Watching Comedy Central Past Midnight.....Can't recall how many times we've been woken up to steel drums and drunken teens saying "I'm only 18, wanna see my boobs" Joe Francis is a sleazy dude but ey he's a business man and just because he goes to college towns and host parties where he tricks young women to take off their clothes for 500 bucks so he can profit in the millions doesn't make him a bad guy at all. No! He's just smart but sleazy very very very sleazy. But yo that house he has in mexico is dope. If it wasn't for all his sucking up to the celebrity crowd....Kim Kardashian might not have done her sex tape in the first place....sad thought isn't?

Now people we're removing from our boycott list

Ashlee Simpson, yes we've made the lipsyncher cry twice (NO Joke). But we currently feel like she earn to be taken off the list. Her last few albums had out sold C-list sister Jessica. She has hired a lot of really awesome producers and song writers to make her decent voice sound stellar. After her famous nose job she really got her body in shape to the point her sister felt insecure, even more then John Mayer could ever do. That's probably why Jess got new tits last fall. She honestly seems really happy in her life, with a baby on the way and a new marriage who are we to hate on her anymore? She's worked too hard for everyone's love and support for us to be a jealous jerk face any longer.

Lindsay Lohan has came a long way. Sure she's still a tabloid trash darling but that's not her fault. She's distantanced herself from her father ex-con Michael Lohan and also didn't part take in her mother's famewhoring show Living Lohan. Dina may have good intentions for herself and the rest of the little Lohans but she has only came off as a lying,gold digging momanger. Unlike Joe Simpson (father to jess and ash simpson) her spinning skills are terrible. She never comes off as genunine concerned parent. But Lindsay has seemed to get her life in order and it could really pay off. Her new album is in the works and she's already finished one song written by Neyo. We believe it's called "Bossy" a hip-hop influenced dance song. Did we mention how flipping amazing she looked at the Mtv Movie Awards? Her voice sounds so clear and soft and we can't get over how nice her legs are. That's the main reason we've gotten her off out boycott list. Not the soberity,not her new love life, no! It's the simple fact her legs are the toniest we've ever seen them. That scene in Mean Girls where she flips over into a metal trash can her legs were so unflattering....we became flacid and haven't recovered since.

DTF

It’s been a long time since we last written but that’s due to the fact we’re trying to keep it low key. But soon realizing that the summer season is indeed upon us it’s time to grow the fuck up and just live life. We’re gonna be turning 21 in July. Big dealllll……. For real skis I’ve been bar hopping since I fell out of my mom’s vajay in a Massage parlor in Bangkok. I’m named after it. Kiera Happy Endings Egan. One major reason why we decided to take sucha huge pause on the whole writing thing was due to Perez Hilton.

He’s a blogger. Meaning he writes his own opinion about things he likes and others read it. He’s not a journalist. He reports false stories that effect the media in a negative way intensely. I can’t stand the fact that people in Idaho that can’t think for themselves, take his opinion to heart. If he says something sucks, those people are gonna agree with him. If he doesn’t like a movie chances are people wont go see it. We just can’t stand how much he sucks and favors actors that are cute and not on talent.How about the fact that he’s just soooo stereotypically gay? His presentation of himself in the media and in the public is just repulsive. Not his lack of style just the way he cares himself. We’re not exactly a gem when it comes to being in public places either but atleast it’s entertaining major of the time….


One more thing, what happen to Christina Milan’s Career? She’s sucha banger. She really took it up a notch since the whole Nick Cannon thing and well somebody hit the lights so we can take it day or night from am to pm……

The Grand Return

So we're returning back to the zoo tomorrow and let's just say mom and dad are proud.


Here's a little sonnet

Mom and Dad
You Made Me
I'm Your Baby
Boop Bop Beep Bop Baby!



Team Trash will also be there so let's get drunk like skunks and make some betches cry all night because we poured our cosmo all over her new white dress...cccheers!

The Bar List

People stop me all the time to ask what my favorite spot is in the whole city.If anyone that knows me would know I hate going above 14 street. I absolutely dread it.It maybe the main reason why I party hard so close to home base.
The thing about the city grime is that it feels like home whenever I'm breathing it.When I'm really diguesting the city smog and filthy I just get flashbacks of how much I truly love the zoo.There's probably three places that I find uber fun to be at.
The first spot is Bella's other allias include : Mar Bar, Nettis, Martignetti.I just love everything about this place. The bartenders there are all hottie bo bodies that are all in rock bands in scenes I love promoting for.The bouncers and doorman all know me by name and I'm pretty sure I'm having Q's unwanted baby. But that's a whole other tale by itself.I was automatically drawn to Mar's set up. The little library and all the different booths and tables. It's just so gosh darn cute. I mean who doesn't love getting drunk next to a painting of a Creepy Russian Czar? Most importantly I love my Dj's. They're family. My Family. On the deadiest of dead nights I'll swing through just to be inebriated with them. All in all it's my favorite place to top my list.
My second favo place is Max Fish. A Mecca for skators and graffiti artist roam here. The place is covered from ceiling to floor in art and if your lucky you tots can catch a retro Kung Fu Movie. I've had some run ins there. Pretty sure I was the reason for a few brawls after hours but it's just a really fun place to chill with a crowd of 20 somethings anyday out of the week.
The Prozzy home base bar has to be St. Dympheuos if that's even how you spell that shard. Is only on the list because it's walking distances to Tompkin Square Park...my dirty little secrets resident there. The best part about this place is the back patio. It used to be the worst, due to neighbors throwing eggs and pee. But trust me. I threw things back up at them haha.
Lastly this is a bonus spot because it's the only place I go above 14 street. It's Snitch. I have way too many stories from this place not to love it even just a little bit. From Blood Street shows to Snitchmas to losing my phone in the snow on Emily birthday. It truly is a crazy place. I'm not sure if it was the bent shower rod that drunk Island Long girls use as a Stripper pole that got me hooked or if it was the creepy dude with tats all over his face and a mohawk that could make Mr. T cry. But this sleazy spot is home to me. Okay it's not that sleazy...only when the lights are on thou. Who am I kidding everything is amazing in the dark bah. So inclusion my lovilies if you wanna find me in a gutter you know where I roam now. Txt a bitch

She loves those transactions

The little lady and I had a whirlwind of a weekend. Half a bucket of gold and a few miles of gas used we can honestly say it was a blastie blast. Almost like going away to girl scout camp without the camp fire...strike that there was a fire and someone's sleeping bag tots got a little too moist.

The Night That Could have Been

Last Night Patty Cakes and The Other Model Citizens performed at 169 bar to a drunken college crowd as The Crazian Asian was stuck watching CSI:NY. But never the less here's a recap of the evenings events. The Always Awful Emily Ott and friends jumped into a limo soon after Patty's show to rush over to The Blood Street Show....To Drunk to remember where her wallet was our heroin jumps ship and finds herself a ride home. While the rest of our gang was left to dance and merry around the Blood Street Fan Club House.

Taco Town is Closed

I'm in sevs (7 eleven) and I'm tots tots rocking my craddle robber sweater in honor of the music video!! But anyway I'm in there with gf number 2 Emma as who is to walk in the door? Mr. Michael Lohan....Lilo's Daddy! He kept staring at us but I guess that's due to the fact that I was laughing forever at the fact he was in there. Anyway we made eye contact and at that moment he said "Hey girls, your midnight snack is on me".....Which included a double bean double cheese burrito!! Score...if only he could give us one of 30 of lindsay's coke dealers numbers and we would have been set for the night!

I'm Like in a Music Video

Absolut Vodka hired New York's sleaziest hunks, Team Facelift, to make a music video for them. We bought a bunch of drugs, invited a whole brunch of freaky weirdos we know, and BOOM! History was made.

Check it out.http://absolut.com/en/iaaw/visionaries/facelift


I'm in it for a second but these are my boys and it's one of the best nights I had while chillin with them in a dark dank gutter . I came dressed as my infamous craddle robber...it was like being a super hero!

NYC's own Sandy Kane was there making me look like an amateur hour. Nothing kicks the sexual tension up a notch like a fog machine, raw fish guts and a battle axe.

And Then There Was The Sunrise

After several mini trips to our home base headquarters we're back in Exile Island. But the temptations of going back into the city are biting our fingertips like crazy to make up our minds. Sex,Drugs and Violence always sound better when there's a Markers Mark on the rocks waiting for you at your favorite spot as your favorite people are around. "But the time has come" the Walrus said. We must avoid dangerous territory just a little longer until the cement dries in the quicksand pit....Pictures shall be up sooner then later...kisses

Why Indy Films are Way Better then the soft core porn on Showtime

While still surviving my exile. I've been making things happen for myself in this damp weather. But on those extra cold nights when the Heinken just isn't hitting me in the right way I snuggle up with Cookie Monster to watch the ole boobtube. Ever since I was a little girl Showtime had the primo soft core porn. But all the fake tits and awful angled shots are way too glamourous for me sadly. But after this special about sex in indy films on IFC. I've been watching more international films and independant flicks, you because of my deep passionate love for the cinema and not for my perverted ways. (lies) Reguardless. Spank the Monkey and Lie with Me are this week's top choices.

Spank the Monkey is a bout a college boy that takes care of his bedridden mother......Automatically I was like "Yes!" Incest! Totally on point. Everytime he rub downs his mother he gets hard and felonies ensue. LOVES IT....I mean he can't help it his mother is that hot.

Lie with Me I've avoided this a few times while on my late nights prawls for movies at 4 am but I couldn't resist when I saw Eric Balfour chasing this girl down an alley way. I have a thing about alley ways and playgrounds and this movie has sooo many playground shots! The sex scenes are totally every other scene and "Gah I can't stop staring at your penis" as my good friend Jason would say......Saucy little movies

The Saucy Life

Things have been very saucy the last week or so. I'm not sure what it is. It's a combination of things I suppose but lemme give you a little insight on it. Fonda is one of my Heroes. As you can tell by his killer style he brings light into my life. He is my little Ginger Snap. His txts just have been really keeping me smiling for awhile. Let's just say....he won't be suprised when he wakes up in an uncomfortable tunk on it's way to New Jersey.

Shinneecock Hills is better at midnight!

What do you do when you run into your best friends from grade school and she has new boobies? You play with them of course! My girl and I haven't seen each other since 7th grade and before that it was 1st grade! As I was leaving the house we'd just played beer pong at I get a little ring a ding ding on my cellie. It's her! She says in the coolest way possible, wanna go sleding? How could I refuse an offer like tthat? I mean I just played with her tits for an hour I might as well do whatever she tells me to do from that point on right? She continues to ask me if I need any clothes. At this point I totally realised I needed everything, the boots,the gloves, long johns you name it.

I get to her house after some 007 driving tactics to avoid the slime bastards that keep pulling me over. I arrive to her humble neighborhood and she's holding about 15 pieces of clothing just for me. My eyes started to tear up....we were about to do some major beyond major damage....After retrieving our sleds we were off on our adventure....SHINEECOCK HILLS here we come!..

We arrive beers and all and start walking up these massive hills. Half of the hills were already muddy puddles and the tall grass really sucked to get whipped by when you went belly first but it was fucking rad how fast we went. After a few mini kegs or beer we get a little call. It's her bf, he felt bad for not coming. He was about to join us. The second he was foot distance she fucking tackles this bitch to the snow covered ground and then it was on! Black and mild in hand he was sleding down the hills with us. It wasn't until our last hill I noticed my flipping house keys weren't in my pocket.
At this point I knew I should have boofed them like planned but that seemed a little painful concerning all the belly flops I'd be doing. After we recovered her man's missing cell we continued on with our search for my keys....finally I discover them in a dark footprint. I automactally stuff down my pants ice and all and we went on 7 more hills.....

By the time we were done it was nearly 2:30 am.....my tits have never been so excited in years!