The Queen Has Been Crowned

I Was Recently Crowned The Best Blowjob In The Business. Which Business? The Dick Sucking Business. I'm Extremely Proud Of This Title. From Losing My V-card At 6 Years Old To Watching Every Hour Of Real Sex On HBO And Their Other Classic Hit Cathouse...I Can't Help But Be Proud Of My Return Business And Current Status. I Was Hoping Beyond Hope This Will Be The Summer I Wont Have Scarred Up Bloody Knees. I Really Do. I Used To Have Such Gorgeous Legs That My One Time Serious Boyfriend Big Poppa Loved So Much. He's Literally Rub His Thick Jewish Penis All Over My Stems Or Scallions As We'd Call Em.

Like Courtney Love Said About The Difference Between Sex With Her And Pamela Anderson ( At Her Roast) Something Along The Lines Of.... "Pamela Is The Girl You Wished You Can Fuck And She (Courtney Love) Was The Girl You Wish No One Knows You've Fucked."
Regardless Courtney Has Bagged Some Famous Rich Dudes And None Of Them Seem To Have Their Cock Shrivel Up And Die By Courtney's Presence.

Do I Have That Kind Of Stigmatize Towards Me?
Probably.
Do I Give A Flying Fuck?
No I Haven't. Because I Have A Great Time And So Do My Partners.

Shit Even The Guys I Told About My Recent Crowning Were More Then Happy To Give A Testimonial. If That's Not Lust For Your Slut I Don't Know What Is.

But At The End Of The Day I Will Be Willing To Keep My Title Until Amy Force Amy Comes To Town I'd Be Happy To Give My Crown Over To Her....She's Fucked Over 20,000 Men. If That's Not Crown Worthy Then I Need To Get My Priorities Right.

AMERICA!

Hello America,

You've Been A Great Gem To Chill With, Fight With And Celebrate With But Girl You've Been Giving Out Your Pie With Breakfast And Frankly My Dear Giving Away Pie Makes You Look Cheap.

Don't Cry You Look Fat When You Cry But Seriously What's The Deal With All The Soda? I Thought We Were Going To Join A Gym?

America You're Inspiring For Freedom, Hate, Justice And Greed. You're The Worst And Best Thing To Happen Since Ancient Greece Closed The Vomitorium.

I Get It You're Always Last To The Party And Last To Leave. But I Think It's Time We Let China Look Gross And Fat Right?

Love You

  

_@DaddyIssues

She's Just Being Lindsay

 It's Been Really Terrible How Rarely I Write These Last Few Months. I'm Sorry I'm Hung Up On Some Personal Issues Reguarding The Internet. I've Also Been Really Selfish With My Brain Lately. As In I've Been Letting It Get Fried At Work, In The Sun And Out At The Bars. So Much So I'm Missing Lindsay's Birthday. Lindsay Lohan Is My Spirit Animal. She's The Little Gnome In My Pants Demanding Things, She's The Whisper In My Ear Telling Me To Do More Crazy Things And Never Accepting The Conquences.

But I Can't Always Be Lindsay. I Mean Sure My Doctor Totally Told Me I Was Dehydrated And Experiencing Exhausted Already It's Not Even 4th Of July. Lemme Let You In On A Little Secret.....

Mommas Been Working Multiple Jobs And And Career Choices The Last Few Weeks. I Must Wear 6 Different Hats In A Week If Not More. I'm Building Stuff, Selling Stuff, Buying Stuff And Destorying Stuff. But My Favorite Is Planning Stuff. Just Day Dreaming About Doing Stufff. Like I Have 15 Do-It-Yourself Projects To Do....And I'm Fucking Too Beat To Finish Any. I Lose All Focus And Get Distracted Because There's Something Else That Needs My Immediate Attention.

So Anyway....


It's Lindsay's Birthday.

Let's Hope She Makes It To 30.

2012 Baby Girl! You Made It, Now Finish This Tv Movie. Sleep With James Deen And Return My Emails Okay? You've Got A Big Summer Ahead Of You And I Love You. Your Impulsive, Erratic And Completely Completely A Long Island Girl.