Oscar Party!!!!!

Was The Oscars Bad For You Too? Like Too Much Coke....Soft Dick Bad? Apparently They Were So Painfully Boring James Franco Was Tweeting The Whole Time And The Funniest Person There Was A Recovering Stroke Victim.

So The Best Way To Kick Off A Bad Oscar Experience Is To Throw The Perf Party To Avoid The Real Snore-Feast That Was Anne Hathaway's Costume Changes.

Fat Jew Made This How To Throw An Oscar Party Video For E! A Minute Back. His Gift Bags Were So Much Sweatier This Year.

The Fat Jew's Oscar party on E! Daily 10 from The Fat Jew on Vimeo.

Natalie Portman Is Totes Preggo. She Looked Gorg In Plum. Luckily I Stopped Myself From Vomiting With The Thought Of Her Being With Child. Congrats On The Award Not The Baby......

Another Plum Number Was Done By ScarJo. She's Single Now And I Expected Some Crazy Xtina Slut Show. But She Fell Short Of Being Anywhere Of Being Sexy. She Looked Frumpy, Her Underwear Was Beyond Visible, And Her New Post Break Up Hair Cut Is Appalling.

Mila Looked Fab In This Romantic Number Last Night. Showing Off Her Post Ballerina Bod.

Amy Adams Looked Like A Chinese Empresses From The 1920's That's Passed Out In An Opium Den Jade Included.

Jenny From Dawson's Creek Looked Like Mia Farrow Pre Adopting A Million Babies For A Mini Soccer Team.

Apparently Anyone Can Be A Country Singer These Days Because If Gwyneth Can Make It Look Easy Then It's Definitely Easy. She's The Same Broad That Teachs People How To Cook On Her Site GOOP And You Know That Girl Never Really Cooks For Herself.

Celine Dion Is Crazy. Like Batshit Crazy. She Was Seen Barking On Oprah Like A Week Ago. We All Know It Wasn't Due To Birthing Twinsie....Ewah. But She Looked Gorg In My Thai Mother's Wedding Dress From 1976. Her Singing Killed Lena Horne Twice.

Ok We Get It Your Australian!

So Mandy Moore Sucked During Her Song. I Really Wanted Her To Bust Out With Her Hit "Candy" But Instead Chuck Killed It And She Looked Like She Was Forcing Her Look.

Hailee Steinfeld Didn't Win But She Had Stolen My Heart With This Dress. Plus She Solidified My Hatred Towards Lea Michelle.

Halle Berry I Get It Your Black And Have An Oscar.

Hilary Swank I Get It You Have A Penis And Have An Oscar.

Heidi Klum And Eric Robert's Daughter Look Amazing At Elton John's Party. By Amazing I Mean Like They Were Dressed By The Gay Mafia To Look Like Disco Balls.

Dear Melissa Leo, Thanks For Dropping An F Bomb Last Night...But Could You Return My Kitchen Floor. It's Looking Bare Without The Ceramic Tiles.

Charlize Theron Needs To Stop Killin Lionfish To Make Her Oscar Party Dresses.

Cate Blanchett Was One Of My Favies Presenters. Her Dress Looks A Little Matronly/ Lady Gaga Pearl Outfit With Pee....Meaning I Loved It.

Jennifer Lawerence Really Nailed It On The Head With This Calvin Klein Collection Dress. And By "It" I Mean All The Hearts Of Gays Everywhere.

Ok JHud. The First Movie You Were In You Gained 50lbs And Got An Oscar. Now That Your Skinny Does That Mean I Can Take It Back?

Your A Single Mother Banging Ryan Reyolds. You Go Sandra Bullock You Go! No Seriously Get The Fuck Out Of My Face.

Penelope Just Got Married And Had A Baby. Just Like Her Ex She's Hiding Her Baby's Identity For A Record Breaking 184 Days Until Those Scientist Can Manufacture An Alien Baby. So After A Few Years Of Being A Beard To A Closeted Gay Man You'd Think She'd Gain Some Fashion Sense Right? Instead She Looks Like A Show Girl From 1960. I Heard This Frock Was Vintage As In The Hooker That Frank Sinatra Shot Was Buried In This And Someone Dug It Up In Time For The Awards.

Selieber Were Caught Smooching. Somewhere In Middle America An 11 Year Old Girl Is Cutting Herself In Her Basement Or That 3 Year Old Girl Finally Died From Beiber Fever.

Reese Witherspoon Looked "Elegant" And When I Say That...I Mean You Look Like A Prom Queen Reject From 2004. Plus You Looked A Lot Like This Bitch....

High On Life

The First Time I Smoked Weed Was Late 2005. For Some Reason, My Gf And I Became Obsessed With Will Smith's Song And Video To His Latest Jam....Switch. It Was Iconic. And By Iconic I Mean Silly.



So Will Might Be Gay OR He Might Be Sciencitoglist. At The Time It Didn't Matter. Will Smith Was A Dying Rap Star To Us. Then He Came Out With This Jam. Being The High Folk We Were.....We Made This Our Anthem For The Summer.

With Thighs Like Those Who Needs Friends?

Brigitte Nielsen Will Always Be A Hot Babe To Me.

Take A Bow TINA!

So The Wife And I Celebrated Our Anniversary Together.....By Laughing And Dressing Up In Floral Print Dresses And Pretend We Were At A Boiler Room On Prom Night. You Know The Usual.