HAPPY NYE!

DUH DUH DUCK SAUCEE

OBSESSED! I'm Obsessed! After Seeing The Fat Jew's Latest Youtube Sensation I've Been Finding Myself Finger Blasting The Vageen To The Beat Of The Song Playing In The Background. Sure I've Had Boyfriends Flat OUT Dump Because Of My Deep Seated Love For The King Of Brunch But Just Like Miley....I Can't Be Tamed.

Luckily I Found The Video On Youtube This Week To Accompany My Late Night Soaks In The Tub. The Song: Barbara Streisand.....The Group: Duck Sauce. This Djing Duo Release This Instant Baby Making Hit This September. The Video Has Features Cameos From Such Favorite Like, Kanye West, Pharell Williams, Ryan Leslie, Buckshot, Smif-n-Wessun, DJ Premier, Chromeo, DJ Mehdi, So Me, Diplo, ?uestlove, Ezra Koenig, Santigold, Yelawolf, Fafi and the Fat Jew of Team Facelift.

Friendly Reminder To Stay Healthy

It's That Time Of Year Again

When I'd Like To Remember Ms. Murphy

I'm Still Really Upset Tara Reid Out Lived You B. Your Were Really Sweet, A Little Nutty And So Clueless.

I Miss Your Laugh The Most......Click This

A Great American

Don't Be Afraid To Touch Yourself. He Encourages It.

We're The Kids In America

Thank You For Being A Friend

Take A Bow

I Got My Tranny On And Listened To Some Old Madonna Jams. You Know Back When I Was Still A Virgin. I Love Madonna. But Her Slow Jams Is Where The Soft Part Of My Head Gets A Little Softer. I Love Her Slow Jams From The 90's. Her Dance Songs Can Make Me Seizure Like A Drag Queen While On E On Valentines Day. But Her This Song Really Takes Me Back To A Simpler Time. You Know When Madonna Had That Ranger For Latino And Posing Nude In Public. Yeah Those Were The Days...

YAY Stefon!

SNL's Weekend Update Has Been An Avenue For Many Break Out Characters. My Favorites From The Past Have Been Drunk Girl, Opera Man, David Patterson And The Gay Couple From New Jersey. But By Far My Favorite Has Been Resident New York City Guide Stefon! He's Like That Club Promoter That Sends You Mass Texts For Those Art Parties At A Loft In Brooklyn That Doesn't Seem To Ever End. Some Jewish Girl From Long Island Is Talking About Her Stepdad's House In Boca. While A Guy Dressed As A Human Carpet Let's Overweight Cokeheads Stomp All Over Him. That's Totes Stefon.

Stefon Is One Of Those Guys That's Always Ready To Party When Your Cat Dies. He'll Bring The Drugs, Finds The Glow Sticks And Endless Supply Of Anal Beads. I Love Stefon. I LOVE HIM! Bill Hader Portrays Him Exquisitely. But I've Met Bill On More Than One Occasion And He Just Looks Like The Grumpiest Man Ever. But I Love Him Regardless. He's A Great Impressionist And Stefon Brings That Old School Charm ,Where Laughing In A Scene Reminds You The Show IS LIVE.

Tis The Season?

I Spotted T.C Carson In This TJ Maxx & Marshalls Holiday Ad On Tv. But Apparently He Was In One Last Year.

I Spotted Him Singing With A Much Of White People Wearing Sexy Maroon Pants And A White Sweater.....Kyle Baker Sing Me Til The Christmas Bells Ring! UGH LOVE YOU

That Fresh Pine Scent

I woke up to the fresh pine scent that still lingered inside my house.

The evergreen Christmas tree was always my favorite thing about the holidays. The Old Windmill was the only place in Sag Harbor that could house so many trees in such small venue. As we'd drive there, you could see the Windmill covered in festive lights as we drove over the bridge.The bridge crossing over into Sag Harbor only made the excitement in my belly grow. The whole ritual of going there and picking out the most spectacular tree that we could find, was always a investigation of sorts. Doing my detective work on each tree, I would interrogate them all with my eyes. Eyeing for flawls and broken branches, the dead limbs remained

motionless as I continued with my search. Until I'd finally recovered a spruce that was epically huge. It was full with wiry branches and smelled just like Christmas. This was the perfect Christmas tree. The ritual
continues as we tie it to our car for the short journey home. There we decorate it
for our 1993 Christmas extravaganza. First I watered my tree so it
wouldn't get thirsty. As I'm watering it with my favorite tea pot my
mother came out of the basement with old shopping bags filled with
decorations and lights. We already spent the entire afternoon decorating the front lawn in lights around the trees. Every year it gets harder and harder to still come up with the energy to glamorize our house. But we do it to make the rest of our neighbor envious of our holiday spirit. First we wrapped the untangled multicolored Christmas lights around the top of our tree. These were my most favorite lights ever. Not only did they blinked on and off, they blinked to the rhythms and beats of Christmas music that it played. Then came the rest of our ornament's. Some that we've made over the years, others from stores we've purchased years ago.
The party itself was a gathering of family,friends and employees of my mother. The night is filled with intoxicating moments from poker at the adults table, Heineken kisses and several Thai curses. We open our presents while my mother video tapes every one's reactions to their blocks of coal and silver bells. The floor, which is covered in a blanket of multicolored scraps of wrapping paper and boxes is busy with feet tapping. The party goers are finally exiting our house. I go to sleep happy with my new Polly Pocket and my
growing tea set collection in hand. My sister and I, slept in old gym
shirts that belong to our father. The gown like size shirts were always the sleep apparel of choice. As we paraded around our room our mother asks us to go to sleep. She assures us if we didn't go back to bed, that Santa would be angry. Already holding on to our new gifts like trophies, we laughed in her face. I woke up to the fresh pine scent that still lingered inside my house.My sister and I make our way to the door of our room.

Still groggy from awaking from my deep slumber a light flashes in my eyes. I am stunned. I reopen my eyes to see the most horrific thing a child will ever witness post morning Christmas. My beautiful tree, which stood in the middle of
our living room, was bare. All the lights, the hand made macaroni
ornaments, the fake snow, the star, and the boxes of gifts were all gone.
All that was left, was a skinny trunk with a few surviving branches still
clinging onto it.

Another light flashes. My mother took another Polaroid
picture of my reaction to the devastation that was before my face. She
said " See what happens when you make Santa angry? He came back for the
Tree." Laughing hysterically at her new photos my mother exists the
living room. My days of enjoying the tree were officially ruined. To this
day my mother enjoys those photographs the most. She still laughs the
hardest when she looks at them daily.

They Said We Got No Class....

Check Out This Jam From The "Stuck To The Sidewalk" Mixtape By Zak! Featuring The Hunks From Team Facelift....Reason Clothing Presents WE GREW HERE

Download The Mixtape @ ZAK!ZAK!ZAK!

Punk Nose Brats

Today I Had To Spend My Friday Afternoon Supervising A Read-a-Thon At The Library I Do Community Service At. Let's Just Say Too Many Of Them Reminded Me Of Bebe's Kids And A Comforting Fact Washed Over...... That I'm Infertile....... Reminded Me How Lucky I Am And The General Public Because My Kids Would Be The Future Felons Of The Hamptons TOO!

Happy Birthday Britney!

As You Should All Know It's My Baby B's Birthday......I Love Britney As Much As The Next Gay Man Does. She's Been A Huge Part Of My Life And The Lives Of All My Friends. It Was Only A Few Years Ago That The Gang And I Celebrated With Her At Good Morning America. Not Only Did We By Pass Secrutiy, Lines And Showed Up An Hour Late But Was Personally Walked In By Larry Rudolph Himself. (Her Manager) It Was A Sweet Day. As The Rest Of The Gang Went Out All Night Dec 1st I Stayed Home And Slept....I Still Can't Believe I Did That.

Girlfriends Had Some Bad Fashion Moments,Bad Marriages, Bad Vageene Shots Including C-Section Scar And Let's Not Forget Cheating On Justin Timberlake, Shaving Her Head, Locking Herself In The Bathroom With Her Son,Dating That Creepy Middle Eastern Guy, And That Other Creepy Guy And That Loser "Cousin" Alley Sims....Yeah Alley I Remembered You. OMG And Her Little Sister Dropping The Ball By Being Pregnant.

Britney Still Kills It. She's Like The Female Michael Jackson In The Tabloid Sense Of Things And I Still Respect Her For Being A Honking Tonk Singer With Two Failed Restaurants. I Love All The To Her. The Good, The Bad And The Bat Shit Overweight Cowboy Boot Wearing Weave Monster.





To The Memories! To The Future! To Britney Spears The Greatest