It's My Favorite Day Of The Year. I'm Not Joshing You. It's Mary-Kate And Ashley Olsen's Birthday. This Day Used To Be A Major Day In My Life. Not Only Because Of My Favorite Mini Mogul's But My First Major Crush And My Childhood Best Friend Shared This Birthday Too. Anyway Celebrate Like A Trooper And Down A Few Pills, Make Some Serious Irresponsible Purchases For A Kayak With A Mini Bar And Go Off Niagara Like Very Mary-Kate. (WWVMKD What Would Very Mary-Kate Do? Should Be Your Number One Goal This Summer If Not Every Summer) So Good Luck Ladies.
Ash Face, The Row Backpack I Ordered Is Back Stocked So Whatever Middle Eastern Elephant You Have Trained To Make A $18,000 Beaded Backpack Needs To Stomp To It. Get It? It's An Elephant And They Can't Hop For Shit. Anyway Before I Go Here's A Great Story About My 69 Year Old Thai Mother.
We're Watching Popper's Penguins. Sounds Terrible Right? No Quite. My Mom Hates Jim Carrey As Much As All The Other White Canadians From In Living Color. So I'm Like
"I Thought You'd Never Watch A Jim Carrey Movie."-Me
"I Said I'd Never Pay For A Jim Carrey Movie."-Mom
That Was True. But She Hates Him. I Remember When I Was 7 And Jim Carrey's Face Was On Time Or Newsweek Magazine. The Headline Reads :20 Million Dollar Man. Chinda Goes Ballastic. She's Hated Him Ever Since. Almost As Bad As Francis Bean Hates Courtney Love. So Listen Up.
We're Watching This Terrible, Predictable Movie With Trendy Lingo About This Wealthy Snob About To Destroy Tavern On The Green Or Something. Mrs. Potts From Beauty And The Beast Is Like Whoa Don't Bulldoze My Building Bro. Don't Ruin My New York City Landmark With Your Money And Heartlessness. But These Penguins, These Fucking CGI Penguins Teach Him To Love. To Love Life, His Fucking Kids And His Hot Estranged Upper East Side Wife. He Fucking Loves Everything. To The Point...SPOILER ALERT: Him And His Whole New York City Raised Children And Hot Wife Are Walking Alone In The South Pole With Their 8 Penguins And The Leader Of The Pack Captain (Great Name, Legendary Name) Is Sitting On The Side Lines Looking Polly Pouter Face Because It's Other Family Members Aren't With Her. Then This Little Bugger Hops Up And Reveals An Egg. It Pooped An Egg From It's Birdy Uterus Infront Of Jim Carrey.
"That's Not Real, You Know"
Of Course I Know I Told Her It Was CGI'd No Less Then 10 Mins Prior.
"You Know How I Know? That's Fake? There's No Cold Air Coming Out Of Their Mouths."-Mom
"Yeah I Know CGI It's All Fake"-Me
"Fucking Computers Honey."-Mom
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